Einstein's Dreams
by as63926
Summary: Alice doesn't come back to check on Bella after the cliff diving incident. She comes back to collect her for college. The trials and tribulations of Bella going through the motions of school, missing Edward, and finding herself in spite of everything...
1. What you left behind

"Alice, I am not wearing a scrap of material to school."

"Yes, you are," Alice growled as she threw the 'shirt' back to me.

I couldn't criticize anything Alice put me through; she did make the Cullen's come back to me. Well, four of the Cullen's anyway. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett came back to Forks 8 months after HE made them leave.

May, I had just graduated Forks High School in an orange cap and gown. No one looks good in that much orange. Mike still wanted a chance and Jessica still though I was a lunatic. Angela promised to stay in touch, though she was off on a full scholarship to UW. Jacob had not spoken to me in 51 days, but I couldn't blame him after what I put him through. Charlie, Renee, and Phil were worried and argued constantly on the phone about what was going to happen to me when I didn't have school to keep preoccupied. I was valedictorian for class of 2009. I threw myself into school. I was okay, because I would read, study, and write every night until I collapsed on top of my work. Sleeping at the kitchen table at a 90 degree angle was not the smartest thing, but I aced Shakespeare. I had received several scholarships and acceptance letters from various colleges across the US, but had not responded to any.

Alice defied Edward and Jasper followed her. Rosalie grew tired of the Alaskan rough country and Emmett followed her. Alice told them that they should go to Dartmouth for a few years; what she didn't reveal was that she would be taking the long way around and collecting me. When I received the email from her to be ready to move, I was ecstatic and rapturous. At first I thought it was a cruel practical joke, from Lauren perhaps. I got a follow up email from Alice less than 10 seconds later. Charlie was apprehensive, but contented I got accepted into an Ivy League school and even at more of an advantage Edward wasn't coming along. Rosalie threw a paroxysm; Emmett was an animated child on Christmas morning, as only he could pull off, when they saw me with my arm linked with Alice's. Alice and Jasper, who looked like a jumpy kindergartner, knocked on my door May 23, 2009.

Alice in all her glory had applied for me to Dartmouth, had my scholarships forwarded, and bought me a new wardrobe. I was so deliriously happy to see them that I didn't fight over the amount of cash that was being thrown away. We arrived in New Hampshire four days later and I was even happy to see Rosalie's scowl of disgust.

I survived with the vampires and attended Dartmouth majoring in Pre-med. I adored living with them, getting to know them again, and laughing so hard I shed tears. One thing and one thing only could have made the experience superior, Edward. Carlisle, Esme, nor Edward knew who their family lived with. They knew the four vampires reside in New Hampshire and attended Dartmouth. They knew the house was white, and they knew it had 4 bedrooms. If Alice got a vision of one of them calling, I was promptly removed from the house for a few minutes. The heartbeat would raise questions, so I was told

Mostly Alice told me that Edward was drifting lost in the woods. She refused to give explicit information on him or his location, just that he was going through the same heartbreak that I was. I missed him, missed him dreadfully much. I knew it was unwholesome, but I still held optimism. Rosalie once told me that Edward was dishonest with me.

"He loves you enough to let you go. To keep you secure, he is making himself pay the ultimate penalty: staying away."

Yet, she still wouldn't give up the goods I wished for nor would any of them tell the others I lived with them.

"Let the douche bag come begging for you, not you begging him," Emmett said.

Alice was no longer my solitary best friend; I had 4 vampire best friends now. Jasper was the only reason I was sleeping more, he kept me tranquil at night. Rosalie and I were essentially friends, after we took the time to get to know each other. It took forever to gain her trust, but when it happened I knew she would never let me go. Jasper took just as much to come around. I begged and pleaded for him not to feel blameworthy over my birthday.

For my birthday that year, they bestowed on me a brand new Lexus Hybrid SUV, which Alice dared me to say anything about. I drove it 4 times in 2 months. Most of the time I rode with Emmett to school, I didn't want to drive my fancy car. Emmett was my comedy relief and profanity ridden guardian. He did a better job at lifting my hopelessness than Jasper did at times. Keeping vigil over the pathetic gloomy human was what my vampires carried out.

Alice, what can I say that would make sense? When I was sad, she let me ball all 68 inches of me in her 58 inches and cry. She made all the girls in my classes envious and desirous of my wardrobe and hair. While still making me feel contented in my own skin, I allowed her to play Barbie Bella.

I caught on that if she had a vision of something that would upset me; someone removed me from the situation before it happened. She made me eat right, get enough sleep, and take care of myself. Within a month I was back to my normal weight range from the food she made me ingest. When I couldn't sleep she made Jasper heave enough tranquility at me to put out a dinosaur. I swear I saw Emmett yawn one time. Rosalie enjoyed feeding me alcohol, more specifically vodka.

He wanted me to move on, so I move on. With one night stand after one night stand. I refused to get to know them, I only wanted to love one, HIM. I didn't want to be attached to any male other than my two brothers and I didn't want a loving intimate relationship. So I picked up guys in bars, classes, libraries, etcetera and I brought them home. We had our fun then Emmett immediately ran them out while I showered. Most of them went the way I wanted: I get my rocks off, and then they leave.

Unlike one night misguided venture.

He wanted to spend the night and I wanted him to leave. He argued that I never let him stay and I argued he had a home. He grew louder and louder, then four very annoyed freshly fed vampires came through the door. He left without another word at that point.

"Do I need to feed him to Jasper? Emmett, go find him, now." I cut Rosalie off at that point.

"No, Rose, I'll be fine."

I could still see Rosalie's death glare as I did my nightly ritual. I brushed my teeth and hair then hopped in bed.

"Scoot over, Bella. I will lay with you tonight."

My vampires cuddled with me until I fell asleep. They used to lay with me all night due the nightmares. My first night, they all witnessed my night terrors; my second night all of them were in the bed with me.

I built my confidence and looked at Rosalie.

"Rose?"

"I won't tell you where he is Bella?" She was ready for my questioning.

"I'm not going there tonight." She happily sighs.

"Do you think I will get over him and fall in love again?"

"Bella, don't worry over inconsequential things. You are young, beautiful, and smart. Enjoy this. Enjoy freedom, your body, and friends. Don't worry about the next twenty years."

I gave up; knowing Rosalie wouldn't let my self insulting go on long.

"Okay."

"Go to sleep, Bella"

"Are you out of your damn mind?" Alice asked the next morning as I chomped on Lucky Charms.

"What?"

"You are not wearing pajamas to class, that is like a Class A Felony. Here are some pants, tank, and light jacket for today."

"Alice, I am not wearing a scrap of material to school."

"Yes, you are," Alice growled as she threw the 'shirt' back to me.

I gave up as always.

After breakfast for the human we all piled into Emmett's Jeep and were off to class by 8:15.

Alice and I were sitting in Shakespeare when she gasped and pulled out her cell and started typing. Of course she was the only person with a crystal covered IPhone.

Outside of class Alice and I met with Emmett for lunch. Alice grabbed a table while I seized a tuna sandwich and lemonade. Emmett had joined Alice and as I sat down I overheard Emmett, "I really wish I could fart, just let a big juicy one rip. I miss it. Bella are there certain foods that make you fart?" Cue the crimson blush.

"What did you eat yesterday? What you did in the bathroom this morning was malicious. I still have the stench in my nose."

I wanted to die of mortification as Emmett and Alice howled with laughter. Ten minutes later Rosalie and Jasper showed up, unexpected. Alice looked at me, then them. She said something so soft that I could not hear, but she looked worried, very worried.

"Alice, what is it?"

I heard a sigh from Alice but nothing else. Usually when she didn't tell me something in her visions it had something to do with me falling or seeing something that reminded me of him. I arched an eyebrow at her but still no response. I looked to Emmett, who could never keep a secret, and glowered.

"Stop, I'll tell you later." Alice squeaked.

"I have class, see you later." Rosalie sauntered off like a runway model.

Emmett got up to come with me to American Lit. Afterwards I was on my own for Calculus. It was atrocious to say the least.

Crossing the gardens to get to Emmett's jeep, I was spotted by the tracker.

Of course this one was not vampire, just aggravating. Greg was in my Calculus class and has gone around in circles of trying to ask me out since class started. I had openly dodged him each time.

"Hi Bella, can I buy you a coffee?" Do I reject him again or get a free cup of coffee. I'm in the mood for caffeine.

"Sure Greg, coffee would be nice." Greg ordered two medium coffees for him and me.

"So Bella, what have you been into?"

"Nothing much, classes are kicking my ass, how about you?" I took a sip of my coffee, and it tasted burnt.

"I was thinking that you should really let me take you out tonight. I thought dinner and a movie?" Seriously.

After at least 4 turn downs I thought he would get the hint.

"Maybe some other time, I am pretty busy tonight." I can find something to do.

"Doing what?" I am being entertained by vampires.

"I have a thousand loads of laundry, lots of Calculus, and two very upset parents that I have not called in a week. It will probably take hours on the phone." He looked wounded, then lit up like a sale at Bloomingdale's.

I internally groaned.

"What about tomorrow night?" I almost gave in to his begging. It's not like Greg wasn't a nice guy, but something about him just felt off.

"I'm feeding myself to a vampire, thanks for the coffee."

I turned and walked in the other direction, the long way around the parking lot. I was the last to arrive to the Jeep, but instantly knew something was up when I saw everyone's smirk.

"What?"

"That boy just does not know when to give up, does he?" I groaned at Rosalie's remark.

"So Bella, are you up for a challenge or fight tomorrow?" I tilted my head at Emmett in confusion.

"What are you talking about Emmett?"

Alice looked at me from the back seat,

"We are going to have visitors tomorrow."

I could think of a few I didn't want to see and a few I wanted to desperately see.

"Who is coming for a visit?"

"Carlisle, Esme, and Edward are coming tomorrow. Esme wanted to come today, but they had to wait for Edward. She has begged him for a month to come visit and he has finally relented."

I immediately perked up about seeing my love, then break down again realizing he doesn't want to see me. Jasper eyed me as he felt my charade of moods at that moment.

"How will they react when they find me with you?"

Alice pondered for a second.

"I don't know. I just don't know…."

Alice later saw that Edward would not give into Esme, he refused to visit. Alice came up with a plan. She said after finals in two weeks we, including Carlisle and Esme, were going to Isle Esme. I was told about the Isle once, an anniversary gift from Carlisle, but everyone enjoyed it. Jasper and Alice stayed there for two months after my disastrous birthday party.

Alice assured me, "Esme and I will drag Edward there if we have to, and he won't refuse Esme face to face with her."

She still couldn't tell me how he would react to me staying with them, but Carlisle and Esme would still have their eternal open loving hearts.

I didn't have any classes one Thursday afternoon and decided to go see Avatar with Emmett, who also had afternoon off.

"I have a thing for blue people", Emmett explained. "Did you ever see the second X-Men? I watched it just for Nightcrawler and Mystique. Fascinating, just fascinating, don't you think"

After the three hour movie, I was hungry for more than the extra large popcorn that Emmett tried to make me eat after the box of Milk Duds and Hershey bars. Food consumption is also mesmerizing to Emmett.

"Do you realize the amount of food and liquid you gulp down on a daily basis transformed to blood is enough to satisfy all four of us for a week?"

"Do you realize I urinate and defecate on a regular basis?"

"Don't play stupid Bella, you don't urinate and defecate. You piss and shit. Do you realize you fart when you piss? That is why I laugh when you are in the bathroom near me. It might be silent to you, but to my sensitive ears and nose it is loud and deadly."

Cue the crimson.

The next day Bailey my counselor decided that since I liked to write and lived with four "friends", she wanted me to write a paper on friendship and love. I tried to politely decline, but she adamantly refused.

"I have a dinner I am hosting, only 200 guests at the Marriott on January 15. Themed friendship, write me a paper."

"You have 200 friends?"

"210 friends including whoever you are going to invite."

"You have 20 times the friends that I do and you want me to write a paper."

"Friends, acquaintances; baked potato, fried potato."

"Which one am I?"

"French Fry."

"Huh."

When I arrived home, Alice was at the door.

"Oh, you'll do great Bella. I have seen the rough draft of your paper and cried and laughed at the same time."

"Thanks, Alice, but I have no idea what to write about friendship and love. You guys are my only examples. I can just imagine what the audience will think when I talk about vampires and werewolves!"

Emmett jumped in at that.

"Tell me you didn't just put vampires and werewolves in the same sentence as friendship and love." As Emmett said werewolves he lowered his voice in disgust.

"Get over it", I said as I stuck my tongue out at him.

The next two weeks flew by with finals and the speech on friendship over my head. Of the four finals I had, three I was sure about, and Calculus I was sure I dreadfully failed. Alice assured me that I did not actually fail anything.

"How do you think you are going to get into med school with failing Calculus", Rosalie asked after two days of my worrying. It shut me up.

We arrived at Hanover airport at 530 in the evening and flew into Dallas then Rio de Janeiro. In Rio we stayed for a couple hours in a hotel due to the sun, and then at twilight we took a boat to the isle. Carlisle and Esme were going to meet us at the isle in 2 days with any luck bringing Edward with them. Alice kept seeing him change his mind.

"Alice you said that you and Esme may have to drag him here, is he that close?"

"Yes, he is in Rio right now. He was in Brazil then came to Rio to meet up with Carlisle and Esme. Esme told him she would not leave until she saw him and could see with her own eyes what kind of condition he is in. The indecision lies in Edward coming here or not, but I have no problem going and dragging him here. Even if I have to swim and drag him the fifty miles here, I will."

The next 24 hours we all played in the water, Alice dutifully applied sunscreen on me every time she got a vision of me smoldering from the sun. Emmett tried his best to drown me in the bath like warm water and Rosalie put us all to shame with the tiny bathing suits she frolicked around in. I took several naps in the hammocks that hung within the palm trees. Jasper tried to grill out steak for me, but I couldn't eat a rare steak. I took over and showed him how it was done for a medium rare steak. He did wonders on the salad though, chopping vegetables fast enough to put Emeril to shame. It was in the middle of me eating when Alice gasped and everyone turned their heads.

"They'll be here in 10 minutes."

"They," Rosalie asked.

"A day early," Emmett asked.

"Carlisle and Esme and a reluctant Edward. He looks even worse now that he sees the pain he has caused Esme. It is quite sincere how he is sad about hurting her. He hasn't fed in weeks and still has the same clothing on that he had on at your birthday party. Torn and shredded of course. Wait, what is that? That is where that came from. Bella, do you remember the first time we got your hair cut in Hanover and the hairdresser said that it looked like someone had cut a 10 inch piece of your hair out. All of your hair was the same length except one 2 inch section. Edward has your hair. I didn't see him do that. Well, it is a good thing I brought him some clothes, all he has with him is his wallet, phone and charger, and your hair."

That wasn't right. The Edward I had in my mind was still perfect, an Adonis, and not sad, torn, and depleted. Was I ready to face that Edward? Sure, I looked like I was content to an outsider due to Alice's make over, but to my vampires I was broken with a puncture in my chest. A puncture only Edward could fix and I didn't know if he would want to fix. Why was Edward in the same clothing? Why did he have my hair, and why was he not properly fed?

Emmett, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper were all talking, but I couldn't hear a word. I was in my own world until all 4 sets of eyes looked towards the front of the house, out to where the dock was. Silence was all I heard for 60 seconds.

Rosalie was the first to break the silence, but spoke so softly I had to strain to hear her.

"Alice, will they be able to smell her around the dock?"

"I don't know."

I could hear the boat engine at this point, but I couldn't see due to the darkness of the evening. Alice suddenly grabbed my arm and put one of her tiny hands over my mouth. "Let's all go out to the docks and welcome them. I'll be out in a moment, I have something to do."

Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie got up and walked at a slow human pace outside. Alice towed me towards the back of the house and gently threw me in the blue room where I had slept the night before. She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote so fast I could barely see her hand move. She handed me the piece of paper, put her finger up to her mouth to shush me and dropped her hand. The piece of paper read:

Stay in here and do not come out unless I call for you. I can't see how they are going to react. Edward is seeing you in Emmett's thoughts now. Emmett isn't hiding his thoughts. He wants Edward to know. Edward still thinks you are in Hanover.

When I looked up, Alice was no longer in front of me. Exactly 2 seconds later, I heard yelling from several vampires.

The first voice I recognized was Edwards. An ear-piercing angered Edward, but Edward nonetheless.

"Alice what were you fucking thinking? Why the hell did you go along with this?"

I then heard Esme's soft firm voice. "Edward, please try to stay calm, this might be for the best. Look at you, you're a mess." She was immediately interrupted by an angel's voice.

"I don't care. You call her and tell her you will not be back, make sure she has everything she needs, trust fund, housing, whatever. Tell her you're sorry and you will never be back," Edward demanded to someone.

I felt the hole in my chest stretch and burn. It burnt worse than what James' venom ever did. Nothing could compare to that. It was disheartening, Edward didn't want me. He was demanding they leave again. He was demanding they exterminate my soul again. I didn't know if they would follow his directions, if they would pack up and leave suddenly. I prayed they wouldn't. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to run away. I wanted to run off this island, off this continent. I was on the perimeter of a nervous breakdown and falling into the depths of my personal hell. The worst part was I was dong it 50 feet from the only person that could save me. Their voices were getting closer and not so diluted. They were in the den now. The lions den.

"Edward, I will not leave her again no matter how much you beg and demand. She is broken enough. She was basically dead when I showed on her doorstep. She was a zombie, a shell of a person. She was going through the motions to appease everyone. She didn't have the luxury of crawling into a ball in a rat infested basement in Brazil to mope by herself. She had to face every person and everyday. She had to face reality, unlike you. Charlie didn't know what to do anymore and he was scared he was going to have to plan a funeral soon. She had lost 10 pounds and didn't have a will to live," Alice stated.

"I've seen two day decaying corpses look better," Rosalie added.

"She will eventually move on," a less angered Edward argued. I thought I heard a bit of sorrow is in his tone, but that couldn't be true with what he was demanding. Jasper took dominance then. When he started speaking he sounded like a general at war preparing for the battle of his life.

"It took months for her to sleep more than 3 hours without screaming and pleading for someone. Not even someone, she was screaming for you, Edward. She cries for you. You shouldn't have doubted her human emotions because the pain you're emanating has nothing on what she felt and very much feels now."

"We're not leaving her." Emmett finalized.

Carlisle was trying to take control, but I couldn't take anymore screaming about me. I curled onto the sofa and closed my eyes. I surrendered and allowed Jasper to pacify me to sleep.

My dreams were and all out assault, invasion of massive WWIII fights. Edward kept telling me he didn't want me, didn't love me, and didn't care if I died without him. His eyes were an uncomfortable solid black and he was dressed in that same suit from my birthday. He was menacing, cruel, inhuman and barbaric. Jacob told Edward how we had had sex. He told him all the vulgar and painful details. Edward said, "I always knew you were a whore." Jacob exploded into a merciless wolf and lunged at me screaming uncivil bloodsucker and broken treaty while Edward stood back and laughed with gratification.

The next moment I pried my eyes open and was staring at Alice. Someone had moved me to the bed and changed me into my pajamas. She looked between murderous and heartbreaking. I took this as a bad sign. Edward had left. Tears welled up and Alice enveloped me in her tiny but safe arms. As I started shaking with sobs the door opened and Esme came in carrying a mug. She looked at me like I was the most pitiful thing on earth.

"You do look broken, more mangled than your cohorts have explained. I didn't want to believe them. You look more broken than should be allowed in this life." I couldn't find my voice to respond. Esme handed the mug of coffee.

"He's still on the island, Bella." Alice informed me that Edward had sat outside my door sobbing. When he figured out that I was in the house and not some 2000 miles away, he had calmed a great deal.

"He just sat propped against the door with his face in his hands and chanted, 'I'm sorry.' He barely kept himself together and outside the door from you. I've been with you all night. When you started to fight sleep he said he couldn't face you right now, he ran to the other side of the island with Carlisle and Jasper behind him. They're at the cabin, the one Emmett showed you." Emmett showed the cabin yesterday while we were exploring the island. They used it for "private time." It was a small two room cabin with a bed and bathroom and nothing much else. Esme embraced me and I felt every grain of love she had pouring into me.

"Bella, have a shower. I'll fix you breakfast and we will go from there. Would you like pancakes or something else?" I tried to assure her I could handle my food situation myself, but she heard nothing of it. In the massive bathroom I took in my reflection and groaned. My eyes were bloodshot and dark gray circles were under them. I stood under the hot water for what seemed like hours before I could move to finish. I was scared to face what the day was bringing.

After I had eaten enough to satisfy Rose, Emmett came in with a grim smile on his face.

"Say the word and I'll castrate him. You can replace Jim with a vampire dick. It would be much more powerful and no batteries needed. I've seen Edward naked, it would be enough. Not as much as me, but enough." I gave him my best fake giggle and real blush.

"Who is Jim?" I automatically blushed exponentially more at Esme's inquiry.

"Bella's d..."

"Shut up, Emmett," I interrupted.

"Esme, I'll tell you later", Rosalie laughed out.

Alice said that since it was cloudy everyone was going to the mainland for shopping and some entertainment. Not wanting to argue with her I stood to get my shoes, but she stopped me.

"You're not going."

"Why?"

"You two need privacy and time."

Carlisle came into the room.

"We can hear everything from everywhere on the island. Every heartbeat, breath, and whisper he can hear from anywhere on the island. Talk to him. He needs to know anything and everything. He wants to know every pain, everything he has done to you."


	2. Britney Syndrome

I really wanted to tell Edward, though I was in distress and tormented, I forgave him and loved him unconditionally. I wanted to tell him that I hated him and never wanted to see him again. I wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to turn back time to last night and not fall asleep like an imbecile. I even contemplated taking Emmett's offer. I sat at the counter and stared into space.

I didn't know what any of it meant, or didn't want to admit to myself what it meant. I wanted alcohol. I scoured the kitchen, but the only thing I found with alcohol was a pack of gum. Pissed off and not ready to take on Edward, I went to my room and changed into the one and only bikini that Alice let me pack. She had packed me twelve other swimsuits. Why I needed thirteen swimsuits for a seven day trip was beyond me. While tying the bottoms of the bikini, I managed to tie my finger onto myself. I applied sunscreen to every inch of my exposed body, and grabbed "Precious." I wanted a bitter and depressing book. I clumsily climbed into a hammock and read. Two hours and several tears later, I was done with the book when I heard a rustle.

Edward was evidently not on the other side of the island.

I felt like a strung out crackhead, agitated and paranoid.

"I'm not ready to do this yet," I whispered to the wind.

I made a break for the inside of the colossal beach house and stumbled. Upon closer inspection, I realized I'd tripped on glass bottle of tequila. I made myself a cocktail, then another. And another. I lost count at five, I think. Feeling drunk, audacious, and belligerent, I started speaking. Rambling, really. I rambled about everything and nothing.

After I had covered couch covers, gas prices, and MC Hammer thoroughly, I said his name. "Edward?"

Silence.

"Are you there?"

Deciding I didn't really want to face him yet, I started telling him what he wanted to know.

"I'm in pain most of the time, and I never feel whole. I really tried to move on and stay careful, but I couldn't. I found something wrong with every person: too warm, too thin, too aggressive, too calm. I know no one is perfect, but you are my perfection."

"I tried to listen to you and forget, but there were reminders everywhere. Every empty chair at school, every time a salesman would knock on the door; when the phone would ring, I would fling myself at it and ask if it was you. I think I watched every vampire movie ever made and researched every Edward Cullen I could find. Writers, bishops, politicians, murder victims, and you, I looked into all of them. I looked at hundreds of schools looking for you, or information on you. I would have done anything for you, but I don't know if I can still say that."

Could I say I was still in love with Edward? I loved Edward for the person before my birthday; could I love someone who could do this to me? I was too far gone to care that everything in me was screaming not to bring this up, again.

"I'm really angry that you could do this. I destroyed every relationship of my life. I don't think Renee will ever forgive me, and Charlie is ready to disown me. Angela, sweet, supportive Angela, hasn't called or emailed since graduation."

_Note to self, email Angela._

"I fell so far. I tried cocaine, alcohol, and any drug I could get my hands on. I didn't sleep for days so I could keep up in school. I had sex with random strangers and every inappropriate man, not boy, but man that looked my way. I slept with Jessica's dad when she made a degrading comment about you."

_Edward Cullen was a freak just like her. No wondered he left. He is probably much happier screwing every model in L.A.,_ I overheard Jessica telling Lauren one day in class. I scheduled myself an appointment with Dr. Stanley for an annual check-up. I left the office the next day with a smirk on my face. He had called the house days later, but I didn't answer. He approached me at graduation, and I hid between Charlie and Billy.

"I was comatose and wanted to die. I overdosed on Oxycontin, and Charlie made me go to the hospital and detox over Spring Break. For seven days, I went through withdrawals, chills, aches, nausea, and pain. All I could think was I wanted you to hold me until I stopped screaming. Though not all the pain was from detox, that pain was nothing compared to the hole in my chest. The hole you made. You left, and everything went blank, and all I ever felt was pain."

I was interrupted by a sob, a body convulsing cry.

"I'm so sorry."

I turned and looked at Edward for the first time in fifteen months. A broken, dirty Edward. An Edward that I barely recognized. His hair was even more disheveled, and his clothes were torn and muddied. His eyes were downcast, but I could still see the darkness and sadness in them. His body was slumped, a posture I don't think I'd ever seen him in, even when he was destroying us in the woods. I wanted to run to him. I wanted scream at him. I wanted to fuck his brains out. And I wanted to kick his ass.

"Tell me more, please?"

"Right now, I'm thinking between screaming _at_ you and screaming out your name in ecstasy."

He didn't know what to say to that. We took each other in.

"You've had a growth spurt. You're taller, fuller. You're beautiful as ever. You look broken, but still just as divine and fascinating. I don't know what to say to you... I'm sorry is not enough."

"Just tell me everything."

Edward took his time, opening and closing his mouth several times and tensing every muscle he had. Then he started speaking the most heartfelt, profound speech I had ever heard.

"Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see that you are safe and feel your warmth radiating into me. I am the most miserable excuse for-"

Edward was silent for a minute, then continued.

"I am a good liar, I have to be, but for you to believe me so quickly..." He winced. "That was ... excruciating."

I waited, frozen.

"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye-"

I didn't allow myself to remember. I fought to keep myself in the present second only.

"You weren't going to let go, I could see that. I didn't want to do it-it felt like it would kill me to do it-but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."

I heard my phone playing Renee's ringtone, but I ignored it. Edward was talking, and that was much more important than Renee's guilt trips.

"I lied, and I'm sorry. Sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

I couldn't look away from Edward's raw, emotional gaze.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire: there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

I felt the hot molten tears spring from my eyes.

"I am afraid that I am too late, that you have moved on, like I requested of you."

He hesitated for just a second.

"Is it too late? Bella, am I too late?"

Edward's eyes stared through me, pleading and begging for what felt like hours. Once again I was at a crossroads. Tell him yes, tell him no. Tell him a lie or the truth. Doctors call it "fight or flight"; we had been truthful thus far.

"Possibly."

I said it so low that I had to look at Edward to make sure I actually said it, but when I did, there was no doubt. I couldn't help but think I had fabricated an irrevocable, eradicated apparition of a man with one word. One word, three syllables. I didn't know which I hated more, broken Edward or the Edward that walked away from us.

"I'll do whatever it takes to gain your trust again. Your love. Whatever it takes, anything and everything; you name it, and it's yours."

What did I want?

"I..."

"Yes, Bella?"

I let him have it.

"I want the last fifteen months back, I want my family back, and I want my friends back; my good girl reputation in Forks. My virginity, sanity, honor, respect and integrity back. I want to take back all the shit that I've fucked up in Forks. I want to replace the memory of bawling when I realized that I got so high and sad that I tried to seduce Phil, and when Tyler got pulled over trying to drive me home to safety that I opened a beer in front of Charlie in the back seat.

"Renee had made an impromptu visit to Forks for Valentine's Day. Phil had a surgery and had Vicodin, which I had never tried. Renee came in just as I was unbuttoning my shirt, and Phil was begging me to stop. She left the next day, two days early, without a goodbye. Charlie had asked if I knew why they had left; I told him that Phil had a family emergency.

"I gave Mr. Panes a blowjob to bump my calculus grade from 94 to 98 to surpass Jenny for valedictorian. Jenny, who didn't get in trouble and stayed in the library and deserved it. I stole it. I want rid of the guilt of it and the guilt that even with everything, I still want nothing more than to let you hold me. Hold me until the only emotion I have is love for you. I don't want you to love me or me love you, because it hurts too much when you give up and let go. And if I ever get back to normal, which I don't think I will, I don't ever want to feel like this again."

I'd had enough heart to heart, and turned reluctantly from Edward and went to my room. I lay down, but didn't want to dream again, then suddenly, I heard my lullaby. My sweet and tender lullaby being played just for me.

Edward and I couldn't give each other what we wanted, but we could give each other this.

"Edward?" My lullaby abruptly stopped, then Edward was at the foot of my bed.

"Yes, love?"

"Will you lay with me?"

Edward hesitantly lay down beside me. My plan was to slowly curl into him, but as soon as my fingers touched him, my body responded with different plans. I attacked him and let his body swallow and smother mine. He kept holding me tighter and tighter, bruise inducing tight. Edward started humming my lullaby and I was quickly falling asleep. Just before my dreams took me, I heard Edward whisper delicately and heavily, "I love you, and I am never going to leave your side."

**EPOV**

I heard the boat leave the dock, and I heard Bella's heartbeat. I heard her breathe seventy-two times, and then she finally started to move. She was obviously opening cabinets. She'd just eaten, was she still hungry? Her heart rate picked up and she stomped her foot.

It had been 188 minutes since Carlisle told Bella to talk to me, but I couldn't hear a word.

When I arrived and smelled her everywhere, I thought I was finally losing my mind. I was no longer just fantasizing about a perfect life with her; I was actually romancing her smell. Then I heard Emmett.

_Edward, you need to know that we've been living with Bella, _he thought_. _He drowned me with memories of the last seven months.

I was furious, but not at the situation. I was furious that I had not been the one who'd rescued Bella. After several minutes of arguing, I realized I heard a heartbeat and could smell her here, not just a residual odor on my siblings.

Jasper was using everything he had to calm me down. Esme was itching to run to Bella. Carlisle was disappointed that Alice had done this behind his back, but appreciative. Bella's breathing evened out, signaling her sleep.

It was then that I heard it; her thoughts and dreams. It was just flickers at first, but eventually a dominant dream came through, and I could hear and see everything. Before anyone could stop me, I ran inside the house.

"Edward, stop," Alice pleaded.

I stopped outside the door and slumped to the floor and listened all night. I was mesmerized by Bella. At some point, Alice went into the room, but I was too consumed with Bella's dreams to find out why. For hours, I sat there listening to my siblings scream at me about what had happened while Bella was alone, though I heard very little. When Bella started waking up, I ran to the other side of the island with the guys right behind me.

"I heard her thoughts, her dreams. I can't hear her now that she is awake, though."

I could hear Alice and Esme talking to a sobbing Bella, trying to soothe and calm her. Bella arguing about fixing her own food.

"She's still stubborn as hell," Emmett commented.

I stopped my inner musing of yesterday when a cry reached my attentive ears. Thinking Bella had been hurt, I ran to where she was sitting outside, reading a book. "Precious" evidently. I had never heard of it, but apparently it was tear inducing. She evidently heard me in my haste, because she whispered to herself about not being ready. She moved inside and _started drinking_? She wasn't old enough, mind you none of us were, but Bella was not a drinker. Was she? I started going through the thoughts my siblings assaulted me with yesterday. There was something about alcohol and drugs. What had I done? Bella then started rambling drunkenly about inconsequential things.

**BPOV**

I woke up maybe an hour later, sprawled across Edward's chest. His clothing was dirty, but I didn't care. I had heard loud and clear what he had said. _I love you..._

My stomach decided then to make an appearance and reject all the alcohol. I made a mad dash to the bathroom, with Edward right behind me, and violently upchucked all the tequila cocktails. Edward soothingly rubbed my back and held my hair; I made attempts to push him away, but it was useless. Painstakingly embarrassed, I decided to tell him what I wanted, while staring into a toilet full of my vomit.

"Edward?"

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Yes, love?"

Edward had wet a washcloth and handed it to me before I even saw him move.

"I know something I want from you."

He reached over and flushed for me.

"Anything."

_Might as well go all the way._

"I want a real relationship with you. Trust, honesty, arguments, love, meet me half way, obnoxious relationship. Not the sick puppy love, boundaries galore relationship we had before. No more masochistic tendencies relationship. And I want a physical, intimate relationship. Sex. With you. That is what I want."


	3. Light in your eyes

"We've had this discussion. I want to give you everything, but it's too dangerous."

I'd been prepared for that statement. "I had sex with a werewolf, who is almost as strong and durable as you. I survived." Even if it was an atrocious experience and Jacob would not break his silence to me.

"What?" Edward roared. "I thought that was a nightmare, not a memory."

"What do you mean a nightmare?"

"I heard your dreams last night," he revealed.

"But you can't hear my thoughts," I taunted.

"To all appearances, I can hear your unconscious thoughts. You dreamed about not being able to find alcohol in the house during your nap."

I faintly remembered my nap dream. He held out his hand and led me into the den, then instructed me to lie down while he fetched saltines and ice chips.

"How is that possible?"

"I don't know."

I didn't know what to make of that, the fact he could hear my dreams. My most torturous thoughts played out for him, night after night. Night after night, right?

"So, Jacob Black?"

"What about him?"

"Your dream petrified you; will you tell me what happened?"

_You happened._

The moment I opened my mouth to answer him, my phone rang again, playing Adam Lambert's _What Do You Want From Me_. Renee's designated ringtone.

"I need to get that, it is Renee."

He handed my phone before I saw him move.

"Hello?"

"Bella?"

_Who else would it be?_

"Hi, Mom."

"Bella, I have been emailing Charlie and Alice, and we think we should all get together for Christmas."

Sue, Charlie's girlfriend, had showed him how to email, since I didn't have time for our awkward phone calls. We do better with email; short, sweet, to the point. No awkward silences or sighs. He was still working on texting. I would get C2O4H44FI7H2DY. Vampire minds could comprehend that it read, caught four fish today.

"Alice said there is plenty of room at your home, and Charlie agreed to fly out for four days." Renee rambled off plans as I muted my phone and scowled at Edward.

"Can you murder your sister? Do you hear what she is saying?"

Edward had a smirk on his face while he listened. I was grateful my parents wanted to be with me, but I had a vampire of a puzzle to solve.

"She said her son, Seth, would come, but her daughter, Leah, refused," Renee pointed out.

"Wait, Sue is coming, too?" I tried to interrupt.

"Charlie seems happy with her. I wonder why Leah won't come? Alice is putting all the flights on her family's frequent flier miles, and promised there is enough space." I tried to interrupt her again, but she kept talking like she couldn't hear me.

Edward bravely chuckled. "You muted your phone."

I scowled at him, then the phone as I unmuted it. "Those plans sound fine, but are you sure you wouldn't rather stay in Florida? The weather in Hanover is snow for the rest of the year."

"Well, I was thinking that Forks has too many bad memories"- she verbally and I physically winced-"and Phil and I don't have the room. You would want your roommates to come along. If they have other plans, you could come alone, and Charlie and Sue could make their own plans."

When Renee said alone, she sounded displeased, no doubt thinking of our last encounter. At least she was trying to see me; she'd made up an excuse not to come for graduation. I'd been crushed, but understood. I wanted to see my parents, though I didn't know how they were going to take the news of Edward living with me.

Wait. I thought about that for a moment. Edward was coming to Hanover to live with us, right? Did I want Edward to live with us? I wanted him near me; living with me was something I had not thought of today. I daydreamed about it when waiting in line for coffee at school, and went to sleep thinking how I wanted to be in his arms. We had more to talk about than holiday plans.

"Mom, I will talk with Alice and Charlie and get back to you. I'm on vacation and would like to enjoy the sun while I can."

"Okay, Bella, talk to you soon. I love you." It stung that she called me Bella, and not baby or some other habitual nickname.

"I love you, too. Bye."

I turned to Edward, who had a towel and bottle of water in his hands. I cocked my head, and he explained. "We should take this outside; you do want to enjoy the sunshine, right?"

His crocked smile could make me commit massacres.

"Aye aye, captain."

We walked outside and sat on the lounge chairs.

"Will you be coming back with us to the States?" I nervously asked.

"Do you want me there?"

"I don't want you not there."

"Bella, I would like you to be honest. Please don't go around in circles with me. Do you want me there or not?"

I did want him there, but I wasn't sure he wasn't going to leave again. I wanted a life with him as his equal, but the last we talked, he was still adamant about my human status. Alice said she'd thought about changing me, but refused to do it before I spoke with the entire family.

"I'm afraid you are going to leave again. I am scared the next danger that comes my way, you will leave and take everything with you. Your siblings are my siblings at this point; I don't want you or them out of my life."

"Will you tell me what your tattoo stands for?"

Of course he would see my tattoo; I was still in a bikini. The tattoo was in Italian, which I knew he spoke.

"You know what it says; you speak Italian."

"Yes, I know what it says, but there is a latitude and longitude figure also. Where do those coordinates go?"

We were getting off track; first plans, then details.

"You didn't answer my question; will you be coming back to Hanover with us?"

"Yes, nothing except you will ever keep me away. I will be by your side until you order me away."

I could hear and see the sincerity in his words. The plan was set; he would be coming to Hanover.

"Where will you live?"

"I can get my own place, I suppose."

"We have a room that you can have, if you want."

We had a room; it was a walk in closet for everyone at the moment. We could live without it, but I couldn't live without Edward. Alice be damned.

"Would you feel comfortable with that? With me living with you…"

I interrupted before he could finish. "And your siblings."

He let a sly smile cross his face at my eagerness to correct him. "And my siblings. Would you feel comfortable?"

I stared at him for a moment, then changed the subject. "Would you enroll in school?"

"Probably. What are you majoring in? I'm imagining English or Education."

He was in for a bombshell.

"Pre-med at this point. I don't want to teach, and I can read and study any book I prefer. I have several people I can argue literature with."

_Vampires, people, whatever._

The sly smile turned into a full set of teeth, Colgate campaign smile; he was beaming with pride.

"Pre-med! I am so proud. Of course you do something completely opposite of what I'm thinking. Do you know where you want to take it? There is surgery, OB, family practice, emergency medicine. The possibilities are endless."

"Slow down. I have a long way to go before I can even apply to med school."

He didn't show signs of slowing down. "With your intelligence, of course you will be accepted into medical school."

"You do realize 5,310 students applied last year and only 68 were accepted; thousands deserve it more than I."

"Love, after everything I was the cause of, you deserve the world, the universe, and all of the heavens."

"You requested I be honest, so please don't be corny and melodramatic."

His beaming smile got impossibly broader. "You are going to be a wonderful doctor."

I gave him a shy smile. "Back to details. Will you enroll in school? I don't remember the deadline for enrollment. You need to go online." I lowered my tone to shyness. "If that's what you want."

"I suppose that's what I'll do. Maybe follow in your footsteps?"

He posed following in my footsteps as a question. He wanted to know if I wanted him to.

"Just another vampire I will be fighting to get a slot in medical school."

"Another vampire?"

Apparently he had not been informed of his siblings' cover stories.

"Rosalie is pre-med, also. She wants to go into gynecology."

Emmett had been disappointed she refused to consider urology, as would every male on the planet if they'd known. Jasper had gotten even for a trick Emmett had played earlier by making him an appointment with a urologist. Emmett impressed the urologist with his braveness about dropping his pants, turning to the left, and coughing, so much so that the doctor offered him a job; he wanted Emmett to be in a video showing patients how the procedure was done and to ease some of the nervousness. Rosalie had made a line across her throat with her finger.

"From here down is off limits for a year if you do this video," Rosalie had threatened while everyone was rolling on the floor laughing; I was running to the bathroom trying not to pee on myself.

"I can survive with just your mouth, baby."

I did pee on myself a little at that point.

When I came out of the bathroom minutes later with fresh underwear on, Rosalie and Emmett were nowhere to be found in the house.

"Emmett is going to buy her something very pretty and very expensive," Alice explained between bursts of sobs and laughter.

"That's a first for her. She never thought she was strong enough; it was her only point of humility for years."

"She is strong enough, and she will be brilliant," I barked a bit too harshly.

He looked at me curiously, then went back to an earlier topic. "Will you tell me the Jacob story now?"

"I need sunscreen."

I tried to get off the lounger, but Edward was inside and back before my toe hit sand.

"Here, I don't want you to burn. Do you mind if I apply it?"

I didn't want a repeat of me attacking him before my nap; I cautiously took the spray bottle from him and sprayed the front of my body. I twisted around to do the back, but couldn't reach. I looked at Edward, who was desperately trying to hide a smile, and sighed.

"Will you spray my back, please?"

"Of course. Turn around."

I turned, and Edward sprayed my back with the sunscreen. I felt an icy breath ghost across my neck, and icy hot fingers moving my bathing suit strings. My body instantly relaxed, and my heart rate rocketed; Edward was touching me. We both sighed; we knew what my body was doing. Muscle memory, riding a bike. My body knew how to relax into Edward.

"All done. Jacob?" Edward persuaded as I turned. He turned his chair so we were facing each other, giving me nowhere to hide.

"Jacob," I started, but didn't want to finish. I looked around for an excuse to get up. It was around six o'clock; everyone should be coming back soon. I looked to Edward to give an excuse, but he interrupted my plan.

"No more excuses. I want the truth."

He was not going to give me an out. I gathered my memories of January fourth, almost a year ago.

"Jacob,"-I deliberated, and he patiently waited-"should be given an award; he kept me going for a short time. I threw myself into his friendship, and the ending with him was the beginning of the end for me. I could see his feelings for me were changing from friendship to something deeper. I ignored it, brushed it off as a crush. I was so sad after the holidays; Charlie had Sue, Renee couldn't come in. Jacob was starting to phase, and Billy gave me a bullshit excuse of mono."

I still remember calling and begging Jacob on his answering machine to call me. It was weeks later when I found out the truth. Jacob was a werewolf.

"It's extraordinarily effortless to fall in love with you," Edward emphasized, though for his benefit or mine I couldn't tell.

"Yes, well, in early January, I was over at his house. We were watching a movie, _Fools Rush In_, I think."

There was an awkward silence that neither of us was comfortable with in each other's presence. I could feel the tears burning my eyes, trying to spring free. I looked at Edward and told myself to let myself heal.

"Jacob started telling me how in love he was with me, and how he would never hurt me like you did. How perfect we were for each other. A long spill of devotion. One thing led to another. We were in his tiny bed, smaller than mine at Charlie's. I was covered by Jacob's feverish form. I wasn't happy that my first time wasn't with you, but I was agreeable being with Jacob. He said the wrong thing; he took Bella and Jacob out of it. _'I'll take away every dirty pain that filthy bloodsucker hurt you with. I'll make it go away,'_ he bragged in my ear."

Noticing that I was looking down at my entwined hands, I looked back up to Edward. He was sitting closer to me now.

"It threw the memory of you telling me, _'I'll make it go away.'_ I was reliving the ballet studio."

The treacherous tears were flowing freely now.

"I couldn't handle it, him belittling you. I craved and yearned for the pain; it was proof you were real."

"What happened?" Edward feared the worst.

"I started sobbing at first. He thought it was due to it being my first time, or me letting go of you. He kept saying, _'That's it, baby, let go of the leach.'_ I wasn't crying for that. I was crying for you. I wanted you with me, and he'd reminded of me of that. After several minutes of bawling, I started kicking and punching him through his thrusts. He didn't feel it at first. I screamed and pleaded for it to be over. He sat up, looked down at me in revulsion and mortification, and asked, _'Am I that horrible to be with? Do I disgust you that much?'_"

I shook my head. Edwards' eyes grew bigger with fear and horror.

"He left, and seconds later, I heard a howl. All I could do was sob as he left. I told myself to call out for him, but _'Edward'_ came out. I laid in his bed for hours, crying and pleading with God to send you back to me."

Edward had had enough. Suddenly, he was in my seat with me, holding me to him.

I went on. "After about two hours, Seth Clearwater came into Jacob's room, handed me my clothes, and said he would drive me home. On the way, he told me he was on my side. He said, _'Jacob knew better.'_

"Seth had become one of my closest friends, one of the only guys I knew who didn't want a piece of ass. I came through the door, and Charlie looked like he was going to have a heart attack when he saw me. He demanded to know what had happened. I told him Jake and I had a fight. He tried to press for more info, but I ignored him and went to shower. When I stripped, I discovered the bruises; bruises from where I had punched and kicked him.

"Charlie wanted to press charges, but I refused. Jacob had been hurt just as much. The next day I got the tattoo.

"Jacob has not spoken to me since; he won't answer emails, texts, calls, or anything. All I want is to apologize. Seth says he won't listen to the pack, either; when they bring it up while phased, Jacob phases back, or he will just storm off if brought up while human."

I pulled away from Edward. He was sad and thoughtful. He looked into my eyes, dazzling me thoroughly. Then he brightened, and said the last words I ever wanted to hear at that moment.

"A physical relationship with me will not fix this, but we can try. I will give you what you want. I do have one condition, though."


	4. Tease me

"What is your condition?" I asked. I was praying 1918 Edward wouldn't come out to play; matrimony was to remain off the table.

"Time," Edward asked.

"It's about six," I answered.

_Why would you need the time?_

Edward gave me criminal smile.

"Not what time is it. My condition is time," he clarified.

I furrowed my brow and searched my baffled mind for something he could be talking about.

"I know you've asked Alice to change you, and we've had several discussions about the topic. No more arguments, no more petitioning, and no more negotiating about you becoming a vampire."

_He's going to change me._

"I want you to stay human. Give me time with you as a human. Grow and change as you were born to do."

Pain shot through me at this. He was going to let me grow old and die, while he stayed seventeen.

"No," I pleaded. Tears welled up and threatened to spill. "No, that won't work; I want to become a vampire," I demanded.

"I'm not saying no to you becoming like me; I am saying that I want time. Ten years for you to stay human, have a life. Have your roaring twenties. Ten years is my best and smallest time offer. I'll wait for you after that."

Thirty. He wanted me to be thirty before he would change me.

"I said that won't work," I howled.

"It has to, because I won't do this any other way."

"What do you mean, you won't do this any other way?"

I was thinking he was going to run away, again. I couldn't allow that. I convinced myself he was threatening to leave.

"You're too young to make life changing decisions. Stay human for a decade and live life. If you still want to become a monster after a decade, then you and I will discuss it. I will not speak of it a day before September 13th, 2017."

His tone was final.

"And if I don't agree to this condition?"

"You don't have a choice."

"Alice-" I began.

"I won't let her, or anyone else. This is not negotiable," he vowed.

"I won't go along with this."

"I'm selfish, Bella, but I'm not selfish enough to take your life. I want you with me until the end of time, but not at the price that you are so willing to pay; not until you can really make the decision."

At that moment, I hated Edward Cullen. He wasn't giving me a choice; he was making the choice for me.

"I'm not a child, Edward; you can't make decisions for me. You can't do this. I won't go along with this," I complained.

"I didn't say you were a child, but you are too young to make this kind of decision. I'm not making the decision for you; I'm taking the decision away from you."

I knew how Edward worked. Once his mind was made up, everyone grasped at straws to change it without any luck.

"What if I say no?"

"It won't change anything. You can't do anything to change the outcome."

I ran into my room and slammed the door, sobbing and screaming at it. I cried for hours before someone knocked.

"Go away."

"Bella, it's me. Can I come in?" Rosalie called.

She enveloped me in her steel arms while I sobbed. "It's not right, he can't do this," I cried.

"You might feel like that, but I agree with Edward."

I tried to pull away from her, but she tightened her grip.

"Let me finish," she demanded.

"Okay."

"He wants everything for you that he can't have. We dream about having children, having a career, and living a fulfilled life. We go through the motions, but we don't live life. Carlisle is the closest to having a life that any of us will ever be able to. He looks old enough to have a believable career, without being a prodigy or freak, but people still talk. They think he is too young. All seven of us envy the fact that you have a chance. Edward is giving you that chance."

I understood what Rosalie was telling me; Edward wanted me to go all the way with everything in life. All the way to me was something different than thirty.

"Would you let Edward tell you what to do?"

A look of hesitation faintly crossed her pefect features. "Yes."

"No, you wouldn't. You would fight him."

Her eyes grabbed my attention, and she wouldn't let me break away from her intent look. "He is not taking something away; he is giving you what you need. I will go through medical school, and I might even finish a year of internship; I'll never become a doctor. You will be able to. I'll never have children, and you might think you don't want any right now, but you might change your mind in a few years. Edward is giving you that. He is giving you more than you think he is taking away."

"He is still going to be seventeen," I declared.

"He can easily pass for twenty-five. In a hundred years, your ages will not matter. And before you say it, he won't hurt you again. We won't let him."

"He is hurting me now."

"No, he's not; he is simply demanding that you have a choice. He is in a lot more pain than he is letting you know. Think about it, Bella."

As she left the room, she informed me Esme was making me dinner and I would be eating in twenty minutes. "Don't make me drag you out and force feed you."

Fifteen minutes later, I was showered and sitting at the dinning table, devouring a plate of eggplant parmesan. I could see Edward in the den talking to Carlisle, Esme, and Alice. Jasper and Emmett were playing a video game in the game room, and Rosalie was sitting with me. After I finished, we joined Emmett and Jasper. Jasper handed me his controller.

After playing for a few minutes, I started feeling my eyelids get heavy.

"Bella, go to bed before you fall in the floor," Alice demanded.

I went back to my room and got under the covers, but it was too hot on the island. I started to call Emmett, but once again, my mind had its own agenda.

"Edward?"

He was laying with me in an instant. I was asleep and dreaming within seconds.

The next morning, I woke swaddled in Edwards' arms. Anyone else would have had cramps from holding me all night, but not my vampire.

"Good morning, love."

"Morning. What time is it?"

"Just after eleven am. You slept for nine hours. You were exhausted, but had much more pleasant dreams. You did have one about you being elderly and wrinkled."

_And you being eternally young..._

"You need to know my feelings for you will never change. I will…"

"Wait, can we do this later?" I interrupted Edward. I couldn't handle Edward before toothpaste and food. I did my morning routine, ate breakfast, and then joined everyone outside.

"Who do I need to thank for the mountain of French toast?"

"You're welcome, dear," Esme acknowledged.

I was getting Alice's approval on my bathing suit when Edward walked out in his trunks. The word perfection was an injustice to him. Everything was lean and defined. Every woman's desire was walking towards me. Edward smirked, and Emmett guffawed at my noticeable staring.

"How come you never ogle me?" Emmett always had something to say.

"Emmett, stop talking. I'm not staring."

"You couldn't BS an ant about killing 35,000 of his closest relatives holding a can of Raid," he smirked.

I knew Emmett wouldn't let up; he was just getting started. I wanted to be getting out of Dodge.

"I'm going for a swim."

"Rosalie, Esme, and I will join you," Alice chirped.

We all got floats and steamed in the water like lobsters. Only I got the redness. I often heard Alice and Rosalie chuckle and Esme groan amid their trivial conversations; I paid little attention to them. I was in my head for the most part.

A thunderous strike jolted me, and I looked up to see Emmett and Edward wrestling on the beach. Jasper and Carlisle were on the sidelines, amused. The girls were giggling energetically.

"Why are they fighting?"

Esme answered cautiously. "Emmett was humming a buzzing sound."

"Why would they be fighting about a buzzing sound?"

Rosalie choked the answer as my cherry skin grew intolerably redder. "He was imitating Jim, and Edward became defensive."

I groaned at my degradation.

The rest of the week flew by. Everyone played around the island and for the most part, had an excellent time. Alice pleaded with me for days to allow her throw to give a Christmas party for my family.

"Please, Bella, I won't go overboard. I've never been able to do the entire event with us. You know as well as I do that Charlie wants to see me. You talk about Sue and Seth like they are already family; Esme wants to meet them."

I finally surrendered two days before we flew back to Hanover. Phone calls were made and email sent; Charlie, Sue, Seth, Renee, and Phil would be arriving on December 23rd and departing the 27th.

Before leaving Rio, I bought several Christmas gifts on a cloudy day with Alice and Rosalie. I had purchased the majority of my gifts in Hanover; however, a couple of unforeseen presents had to be purchased.

I hadn't answered Edward's stipulation of 'time'. He tried to bring up if we were to have an intimate relationship, that he had been raised to be married.

"We tried your way; look where we are. Now we're going to try things my way," I admonished.

I could only say we had been friends. Despite how we held each other all night, there had been no stolen kiss or touch while on Isle Esme. We talked for hours, reacquainting ourselves; we didn't push and argue.

Edward looked into applying for school, and Alice informed him he was already enrolled and signed up for classes.

"Twenty-one hours for the spring semester and fifteen in the summer, and you will be right with Bella."

We landed in Hanover four days before everyone was to arrive. Alice scowled and whined while we demolished the closet for Edward. Her only high point was shopping for furnishings; he gave Alice and me free reign on his room.

"As long as you are happy, I am," he told me. It was nauseating how sappy he could be.

Carlisle and Esme established a home nearby, and Carlisle accepted a night position with a neighboring hospital.

Edward inquired, over and over again, about my tattoo, but I refused to tell him what the coordinates coincided with; all he knew were the coordinates themselves and the Italian phrase.

_lo sono alla mia amata quanto l'amato mio è alla me._

The tattoo had been about Edward, and the coordinates were for him. Every time he asked, something within me said not to tell him. I'd nearly tattooed our meadow's coordinates, but changed my mind at the very last moment. He could have effortlessly found out what it was, but it was Edward. He respected my wishes. He respected my wishes on almost everything, except for that pesky condition.

I hadn't told him I loved him yet, though he told me at each opportunity. I looked at the pain and discomfort in his eyes each time he said it; I would look away or not respond. I didn't know how to react. I wanted everything, but I was frightened he would disappear.

Santa's elves regurgitated all through the house, of that Alice made certain. No fewer than five Christmas trees were decorated, every room was decked out; the outside had been attractively lit with millions of clear twinkling lights and a thousand miles of green garland. The wreath on the front door came up to my waist. Emmett's Jeep also had a wreath attached... until he slashed it and threatened Alice.

Edward's possessions and cars were shipped to Hanover; I never knew how many belongings he truly had. Twelve boxes, big enough that Emmett and Edward could comfortably fit into one, arrived at the door.

Everyone was set to arrive the next day. Esme explained vampires and single wolf were to be on the couches and humans on the beds, until said humans went to sleep. Esme and I bought enough food for several days.

I realized later, I had been ill-equipped for what happened over Christmas...


	5. The race is on

**Bella's POV**

Renee stepped out of the vehicle, immediately wrapped in Jacob's massive arm. She looked as petite as Alice standing against him. I didn't know he was coming, and was flummoxed about why he was holding onto Renee. I felt Edward tighten beside me, and Alice gasp.

"Oh, my."

"Nice. Of all the things..."

"Hi, Mom. I didn't know you knew Jacob."

"I met him at the airport, at the baggage claim. He knew who I was, and started talking to me."

I zoned out, bringing my attention to Edward and Alice. They shook their heads. I whispered to them, "What is going on?"

"It's really farcical," Edward explained.

"Jacob says there is a lot to discuss; I sent Phil home at his request. I'll be filing divorce papers upon returning to Florida."

"Bella, I told you about imprinting, right?" Jacob asked.

I opened my eyes, and was staring up at Edward. "Interesting dream, love?" he asked.

It was unfair how he never had a 'just woken up' look of baggy eyes and morning breath. "What time is it?"

"Six am. We are going hunting in preparation for the next few days. We'll be back by two, in plenty of time before everyone arrives." We had dropped off mine and Edward's cars for everyone to drive from the airport. Everyone thought my car was Esme's, much to Alice's chagrin.

"Alice, I'm not making them feel any worse about the money you guys spend on me." My parents were under the impression my scholarship paid for everything. In truth, it paid only three-quarters of my tuition. Each sent at least $150 every month. I tried to give it to Alice to help pay for everything or anything, but she refused. So every month, it goes into my bank account, where it sits and collects interest.

"I'll stay if you want. I am fine." Edward had gone hunting for the first time yesterday, leaving me for the first time since our reunion; Esme and I had shopped for food to keep me distracted.

"No, go. You should have time away from me, with your family. Besides, I have several errands to run." I lied about the errands, and the look on his face said he knew.

"Okay, I'll see you soon. I love you." I smiled softly at him, still not able to respond.

I woke again for the day around eleven am. I called a couple of friends from school to wish them greetings for the holiday. I tried to call Jacob, but no one answered. I had sent a card days before with an apology. Downstairs, there was a package addressed to me, postmarked from Forks. The return address was Charlie's. I opened the small package, which contained an envelope and USB flash drive. I didn't think Forks' police station had trained their employees on current technology. Charlie could turn on a computer and search simple things on the internet, but saving onto a portable drive was beyond his knowledge. The envelope read, 'Watch first, and then read.'

I walked upstairs and plugged the driver into my laptop, where a chunk of my parents money had gone, and opened the only file, which was a video. Once it started playing, my jaw dropped and tears sprang forward.

"No, no, no, no," I chanted to myself.

I ripped the envelope open and hastily read through it; the grainy images still played on my laptop. I heard the front door open and close as the video ended.

**EPOV**

Alice had a vision of Bella crying, staring at her computer. I ran home faster than I had ever run before, leaving my siblings trailing behind me. I ran to Bella and hugged her to me, asking her what was wrong.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know," she cried.

"Didn't know what, Bella?" I asked.

Rosalie pressed a key on Bella's laptop, and Jasper picked up a demolished envelope and note. The note had Charlie's address as the return. A video played as she cried harder. I heard and saw the worst thing I had ever witnessed in my existence. A middle-aged Dr Stanley from Forks was thrusting and sweating on top of my Bella, who was grunting and moaning with her legs wrapped around him. In the letter, he demanded $250,000.

"Bastard," Rosalie declared.

"Son of a bitch," Alice hissed.

"I'll kill that sick piece of shit," Emmett roared.

I closed the laptop, not wanting to see anymore, and grabbed the letter. His wife had found the tape and filed for divorce; took him for everything he was worth. He was threatening to release the video to an amateur porn site and Charlie, if she didn't give him the money by the last day of the year. I heard Renee's erratic thoughts, and informed everyone she was here.

"B, stay here and fake a migraine until you can calm down. We'll get everyone settled," Alice dictated. "Everything just went blank."

Seth. Alice couldn't see around the pack of wolves. Everyone went downstairs, while I rocked Bella, trying to soothe her. I told her it would be fine; we would fix this.

**BPOV**

"We'll deal with this. I'll destroy every copy. I'll stop him. I'll take care of you. I love you." No matter what Edward said, the fact remained I had a sex tape on the verge of being released, and was being blackmailed for money I didn't have. I didn't want the Cullens paying for my mistakes; they had paid enough with Edward's mistake. It was going to destroy everyone around me, and now Edward had evidence... evidence of me being polluted and horrific. It wasn't sufficient that he'd heard how appalling I was; now he could see.

"No, you are not," I responded. My throat felt like an inferno from the sobs wracking my body.

"What?" Edward questioned.

"I can't let you do this; I can't let you fix this for me."

Edward eyed me accusingly and sighed. "Bella, just enjoy the holiday with the ones you love. We will deal with this afterwards." I couldn't help but notice the sting in Edwards words when he referenced, "the ones you love."

I hoped Edward understood why I never told him I loved him.

I jumped in the shower and fixed myself as best as I could. I walked downstairs, and was immediately enveloped in Seth's mammoth long-limbed scorching structure.

"Seth, can't breath," I garbled against his sweater-covered torso.

I said hello to everyone as we settled into the colossal couches and caught up. Around nine, Carlisle and Esme showed up. The arrangement was to just hang that night, and have an elaborate feast and gifts the next day. I would be giving an additional gift to everyone this year.

'Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad. Here is a tape of me having sex with a classmate's father, a well-respected doctor. Dad, you have known Dr Stanley for years, right?'

Jasper gave me a perplexed look with an arched eyebrow; I shook my head, signaling him I didn't want his help with my disposition.

Emerging from the bathroom later, I saw my dad sitting on my bed, near the ill-fated laptop.

"Hey, Dad."

"Bella, what are you doing?"

"I just went to the bathroom; Rosalie's eggnog did a number on me."

Rosalie made eggnog with a lot of bourbon; all the humans were in good spirits, even without Jasper's assistance. Seth's high temperature helped him, but after several cups, he also felt intoxicated. Thankfully, Charlie looked in the other direction.

"Why is Edward here? Have you forgiven him? How long is he staying?" Charlie stormed on until I interrupted him.

"Slow down, Dad. Edward lives here now. He decided to start school here; he missed his siblings."

"And you and Edward?"

"It's complicated," I sputtered.

"Explain complicated," he insisted.

"I can't."

"Try," he demanded.

"No, it's between the two of us. We're friends, and that is all you need to know."

"Don't do this again; don't let him hurt you again." Charlie was pleading with me. I understood... I remembered how he was desperate and infuriated with my actions.

"I won't, Charlie," Edward interrupted both of us. "Sorry, I came up for the bathroom, and couldn't help but hear."

He gave me a inhibited smile at the barefaced lie. "Charlie, if I may, sir?"

I could tell that Charlie didn't want to give Edward any breathing space, but I pleaded with him with my eyes. He nodded.

"I saw what was happening with Bella and myself. Everyone saw it. We were going too fast, too soon. My family warned me, but I let it go too far. I thought parting would be the solution. I thought we were too young. We were too young, and possibly are _still_ too young. I promise you on my life, I will never do harm to your daughter again. And I vow to you, I love your daughter. I don't know what that says, what our relationship will be. I don't care how she wants me, friend, foe, or anything else. I will be here for her, and only her, until she orders me away. The anger you feel, please don't take it out on her. Take it out on me, because like you, I truly believe that I deserve the worst of the worst."

"Bella, you are an adult and can make your own decisions, but I can't stand behind you if your decision is him in your life." Charlie left my room, and Edward hugged me to him.

"We need to get back downstairs," I assumed.

After one round of TBS' _A Christmas Story_ marathon, everyone was ready for bed. A self-conscious Charlie and smirking Sue stayed in Rosalie's room; Renee and Phil slept in Alice's.

"I swear, if he gets semen on my sheets, I will embarrass you and him both," Emmett warned me.

"Whatever you come up with couldn't be any worse than me having to tell him about my sex tape." Thankfully, Seth had passed out on a couch, so he didn't overhear our conversation.

"He won't find out," Edward asserted.

"You know, I don't think I have ever spent the night with six humans. That is a lot of shit to pass through the sewer lines. Are you sure our sewage tank can take it? The amount of food the puppy over there put away is going to have to go somewhere. Hey, I have never plunged a toilet. Have you read Jenny McCarthy's book, _Life Laughs_? She says that plunging a toilet for someone is real love." Emmett made everyone laugh.

He got down on one knee in front of me and shamelessly made a scene. "Bella, will you do me the honor of being my first plunge?" He looked around, and then asked, "Do we have a plunger? If not, I will go buy one tonight, or maybe a couple. Anyone want to go with me?"

Edward glared at his joke, which kept Emmett going.

"Edward, you know you are envious that I got to get down on one knee for her before you did," he taunted.

"Yes, Emmett, I am jealous that you want to play in feces."

I crawled exhaustively into bed. Edward joined me after he insured that everyone was dead to the world.

The next morning, the first thing I registered was Emmett's earsplitting song. When my psyche cleared the murkiness of sleep, I could make his words out.

_Dear penis, I don't think I like you anymore  
You used to watch me shave, now all you do is stare at the floor  
Oh dear penis, I don't like you anymore  
It used to be you and me, a paper towel, and a dirty magazine,  
That's all we needed to get by  
Now it seems things have changed and I think you're the one to blame  
Dear penis I don't like you anymore_

_He sings:  
Dear Emmett I don't think I like you anymore  
Cause when you get to drinking you put me places I've never been before  
Dear Emmett I don't like you anymore  
Why can't we just get a grip on our man to hand relationship?  
And come to terms with truly how we feel  
If we put our heads together we'd just stay home forever  
_

_Dear penis I think like you after all  
_

_Oh, and Emmett,  
While you're shaving, shave my balls_

Edward was scowling and saying something very inaudibly and swift as I laughed at Emmett.

"Is anyone else awake?" I uttered.

"Everyone but Seth; Charlie is embarrassed, Sue is laughing harder than you, Renee is saying its true with age, and Phil is wishing he would shut the hell up."

"Which shower is he in?"

"Yours," Edward answered.

"Ours," I corrected. Our rooms were linked by a bathroom, but he still called it mine.

I went downstairs to see Alice making breakfast for everyone.

"I'm sorry you guys are going to have to eat."

"Could you please stop talking about it?" Rosalie fumed.

We eventually convinced the humans that the vampires had eaten earlier.

"You guys early risers?" Charlie asked.

"Oh, yes, Esme would never let us sleep in," Alice lied.

Seth laughed under his breath. He and Emmett played video games all morning, occasionally being joined by Jasper and Edward. I helped Sue, Renee, and Esme in the kitchen, and Carlisle kept Charlie and Phil occupied.

Between games, Emmett came into the kitchen. "Sure smells good, I'm so hungry I could eat a grizzly bear. An irritable grizzly sounds really good." Rosalie glared at him as Esme lead him out of the room by his ear. Sue shook her head and smiled. Like Seth, she was in the loop.

Renee pulled me outside for a break. "Charlie told me he spoke to you last night concerning Edward. Do you want to talk about it?" Renee was digging for information.

"It's between the two of us, but he now has proof of how horrible I am," I admitted.

"What proof?" she questioned.

"Just proof. Now he tells me he loves me, and he is sorry for everything I did."

"Oh?" Still digging for gold.

"I am scared of how much it's going to hurt next time." I paused. "We need to get back."

"They'll be fine without us. What does Edward think of this? Have you talked to him?"

"He tries to reassure me with inconceivable expressions and sincere looks. He tries and tries. I'm frightened he is going to get weary of trying."

"B, I think you should give him one more opportunity."

I looked at her like she had five heads. "What?"

"Just like Edward told Charlie, you are young. Have fun. When he is deeply in love with you, you remember the last year, and you tell him to go to hell."

"Are you fucking crazy? You want me to screw him over? How dare you." I was delirious with resentment. She thought I should pay him back.

Charlie and Phil came outside, questioning me. I told them what Renee thought. They sturdily criticized her as I walked back inside. I walked up to Esme and asked, "Can I stay at your home until she leaves?"

Edward answered for her. "No."

My double agent tears were bullying me. I looked at him, and he softened his steel look. "She is not going to run you from your home and ruin your time. Deal with her, or I will get her a hotel; you are not leaving your home on our first Christmas together."

"She can leave, but you are staying," Esme agreed.

Renee came in with Charlie and Phil trailing behind her. Esme and Rosalie were throwing her vicious looks. "Bella, I want you to move out of this house," she demanded. I was flabbergasted; she'd gone from revengeful to forceful.

"Renee, that is not an apology," Charlie objected.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but I can't let you do this. I am your mother, and I know what is best for you. Edward has done nothing for you, with the exception of bringing you trouble."

"Where were you when she needed a mother last year, if you know what is best for her? You came once, and left shortly after," Charlie accused her.

"She didn't tell you?" Phil had stepped on treacherous ground with that question.

Charlie gave the lie of Phil's family urgent situation.

"One more of her lies," Renee affirmed.

Rosalie broke her silence. "Renee, I think you need to calm down." Her chilly look was not misplaced on Renee, but was disregarded.

"I will calm down when Bella comes to her right mind. Mind your over-privileged business."

Rosalie wanted to tear apart Renee, 206 fleshy bones lying around the house. "There is a hotel booked in your name at Homewood Suites," Rosalie was only just keeping herself together. Jasper wasn't trying to pacify her.

"Bella is coming with me," Renee howled.

"She is not. Renee, it is because of this family that she is alive," Charlie vocalized. "None of us can disagree with that."

Edward rubbed circles in my lower back, and I could sense Jasper's soothing, encouraging weight.

"Why are they doing that? Why are they so interested in Bella? Why has an, by all accounts, honored physician had the need to change jobs three times in fifteen months? I think this family has something to hide, and I don't want Bella messed up in whatever it is," Renee said accusingly.

"Please don't accuse my family of scandals," Esme requested. Mama's cubs were not to be ridiculed.

"Bella, it is up to you. Do you want Renee to leave, or do you want her to stay?" Carlisle requested.

"Mom, can you conduct yourself appropriately, and let me figure out my life, just for today?"

"You don't need to be here, Bella," she insisted.

"You need to leave. You can't destroy everyone's holiday. Phil, you are welcome to stay." I felt sorry for him.

"Renee, I will call you a cab," Rosalie growled.

Alice had crammed Renee and Phil's luggage into the cab. Phil decided to go with Renee, against his better judgment. I cried in my room until Edward came in. He cradled me to his chest and explained what had happened. Phil wanted children, Renee didn't; they were having problems. She never wanted more children. In my mind, I reasoned Renee did not want me, either.

"I know what you are thinking. She does love you, and she wants what is best for you." Edward's promise didn't make me feel any better. Carlisle came with more eggnog.

"Bella?" Carlisle wanted my attention; I looked up at him. "Your mother had a natural response. She had the reaction you should have had. Subconsciously, she is petrified, but she doesn't know why. The body's chemical reaction is to retreat and shelter."

"Instead of the reassurance you find," Edward whispered.

Neither made me feel better.


	6. water

Downstairs, everyone tried to act like nothing had been wrong, but no one could look away from the butterball elephant in the room. We had dinner, kept casual conversation, but everyone was a bundle of nerves. It had been about two hours since Renee left, and I still felt abhorrent. I wanted my mother with us.

Everyone was starting to hand out gifts to each other. To keep cost down for everyone, we drew names, except Carlisle, Esme, and Edward; no one knew they would be here. I drew Seth's name, and he was gifted a black iPod. I zoned out of the other gifts and went to my room.

"I'll be right back."

Upstairs, I dialed my mother's number, but she didn't answer. I hung up and called again, and again, and again. On the fifth try, it went straight to voicemail. I tried Phil's number, but it also went to voicemail. I came up with a plan.

"Alice?" I whispered, knowing she would hear me whereever she had been in the house.

"Yes, Bella?" She appeared before me seconds later.

"Will you go with me?"

She cocked her head in confusion. "Sure, where are we going?"

The look of disorientation on Alice was comical; she wasn't used to not knowing everything that was going to happen. I caught her giving Seth scary looks more than once; her blindness had been his fault. When I laughed under my breath, she gave me the same glare.

"Meet me in the garage with someone's car keys?" I asked.

I went in the kitchen and picked up enough leftovers for at least four meals. While I was stuffing them into a basket, Edward came in and asked if I needed his help with anything. I told him no, and the look of disappointment on his face was heartbreaking.

"I want my gift when I get back, and I will give you your gift then, too." I smiled sweetly, hoping to elevate his mood. I'd tried to tell Edward I didn't want anything from him, but he'd refused to not give me something.

"Everyone else is getting you something, and so am I," he insisted.

I relented, but put a price tag on it. "Fine, but nothing over $100." His smile was wider than I had ever seen it.

Alice and I arrived at the hotel minutes later, her frustrated glare having left once we were a couple of miles away from Seth. She informed me that Renee was not going to be easy, and I would have to work just to get her to open the door. And work it was... we knocked and begged for ten minutes before Renee let the door open. She reluctantly allowed us in the room, and we sat in awkward silence until Alice asked Phil to join her for coffee downstairs. Renee seemed to settle once Alice was out of the room.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened," she pleaded.

"It's okay, I understand," I said, pacifying her. "You want what's best for me."

We sat and talked for what seemed like hours, catching up and coming to an understanding.

"Are you sure you want Edward?" she asked.

"I know I don't not want Edward in my life. He really is a great person who simply made a mistake. He knows he made a mistake, and he has apologized everyday, every hour, since returning. I am working on forgiving him."

"Okay, I can accept that. Just promise me you will think this through."

"I will. Now, will you please return to the house and celebrate with us? I can't deal with the awkwardness. And apologize to Rosalie."

An hour later, we walked back through the door. Charlie and Seth were passed out in front of the television. Emmett was trying to tickle Seth's face with a feather, and it looked like there was whipped cream in Seth's hand. I shook my head at him and walked into the kitchen.

Edward was shyly standing against the wall, talking to Jasper. He looked up and gave me a bashful smile, then walked over to my mother to apologize. Renee stopped him before he could speak, threatening him, and daring him to hurt me again. He vowed to her just like he had to Charlie.

Renee and Phil then exchanged the last of the gifts with Rosalie and Jasper. I knew Carlisle and Esme had purchased a gift for me; I was dreading what they were going to bestow upon me.

When no one was around, they gave me a Tiffany blue box, which held a delicate, white gold necklace. It was striking, and once on my neck, only just perceptible.

"Thank you. It is just what the doctor ordered," I laughed.

It really was perfect, frail and inconspicuous. When everyone went to bed that night, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett needed to go hunting; Jasper was filled to capacity with scents and emotions. Seth wanted to go, but Rosalie refused to let him. His feelings were hurt, and Esme chastised her. She half-assed apologized, and he was invited to go along with the group. As everyone walked out the door, Emmett sang his rendition of 'Edward's nuts roasting on an open fire.'

Edward boosted me up on the kitchen counter. He was out and back in the room within seconds, holding three wrapped gifts and giving me a stern look.

"It's Christmas. No complaining," I assured him.

He handed me a petite box, no more than a square inch. Positioned in front of me, his smile was unbelievably wide, with a casual but anxious stance. I cheerfully unwrapped the violet covering, opened the top of the package, and peeled back a coating of tissue paper, to encounter a heart-shaped gem. I caught my breath when I picked it up, and it illuminated from all the points. It was luxurious, 100 times more costly than $50, but I didn't care; it was beautiful, charming, and astonishing. I wiped away more than a few tears so I could see Edward. When I looked at him, he was not breathing or moving, apart from his eyes.

"Thank you, it's...I'm...thank you." I could feel my cheeks stretching with my smile.

"You are most welcome. I didn't spend anything on it... It's a hand me down; it was my mother's. I have a couple of things of hers; I have given Esme and my sisters one or two over the years. Just like me, it is yours forever."

He took it from me and put it on the chain that Esme and Carlisle had given me hours earlier. I twisted so he could fasten it around my neck. I smiled, and gave him a peck on the cheek.

"I love it. It's wonderful." His smile was huge by that point.

He handed me another, larger package. Inside were pictures, a burned compact disc, and other remnants. I recognized them instantly as everything he'd taken when he left. My tears were free flowing as I looked at him.

"They were in your room, concealed under your floorboard. Alice gathered them while helping you pack your things in Forks," he stated. "She didn't know whether to give them to you or not. She gave them to me days ago, but again, they are yours."

"You left them in my room?" I murmured. "All this time?"

"I wanted to leave you with something. Even if you never found it, I knew it was there. Alice didn't know they were there; she felt the panel shift below her foot and investigated. She knew that you didn't know they were there, so she kept them and waited."

He handed me the last package, which was heavier than the others.

"This is the solitary one I spent money on; I thought it was just right when I noticed it."

Inside was a russet leather photo album with Romeo and Juliet's terrace scene engraved into it. Edward clarified this one before I asked.

"There are a small number of pictures of me. My vampire recollection means there is no must for them; I never wanted memories, pictures of my isolation and anguish, before you." I looked up at Edward, who was now twitching with edginess and openness.

"I want them with you," he almost whispered. "I want pictures upon pictures of us, I want proof of the memories that I will share with you."

At that moment, I understood. Edward loved and treasured me. He wanted me, all of me. He didn't care about my indiscretions, my flukes of wisdom, or my crazy relatives. He loved me. I smiled at him through my tears, and ran to my room to grab his gifts. I hopped back onto the counter with Edward's help. Esme had wrapped his gifts for me. My minuscule wrapping skills were laughable at most; hers had been something that could only be imagined. I handed him the first flawlessly wrapped gift, and held a lungful of air.

In the box were five journals. I had been keeping a journal since elementary school; they started when I was ten. My Hello Kitty, Backstreet Boys, purple and black, butterfly decorated, and most recently, black leather bound journals were all enclosed in the package. Edward had eyed them in my room in Forks, but I had always refused to let him get his hands on them; even though he'd shared his with me.

"You're giving me your journals to read?" he asked.

"Yes, I want you to have them; they start at ten-years-old, and I am still working on the last one; you will have to share it. It'll only take minutes for you to read them, if you want to, of course," I explained.

"I want to read them," he confirmed. "I will take my time and relish every word."

"Just be forewarned, I had a crush on Leonardo DiCaprio in Junior High, and I would use them for scrap paper and quick lists. I drew in some of the pages, pasted things from magazines; they are full of surprises," I cautioned.

"The butterfly one starts just before Forks. It has a lot about you; I hope I got everything accurate."

"I am sure they are just right," he assured me.

I handed him the other gift. It was the information about my tattoo. There was a map of Chicago, with a solitary ruby point; the coordinates of my tattoo. There was also a picture of me getting my tattoo done. My back had been red and irritated; the design only just perceptible within the inflammation.

"You tattooed the..." He was speechless.

"When I was investigating, trying to locate you, I came across your medical records in Chicago. You were born in the same hospital Carlisle found you in, only seven doors down from each other. My tattoo is the coordinates of the room you were born."

Angela and I had flown to Chicago for a weekend, and I'd acquired the information on Edward then. She had just started talking to me again at that point. I'd told her it would be a girls' weekend, but it turned into me ignoring her.

My tattoo was the coordinates for the room, and the phrase in Italian said, 'I am to my beloved what my beloved is to me.'

"You have no idea how much I admire these. I will treasure them always. I can't believe you tattooed my place of birth. I knew the coordinates didn't match to anywhere near Forks; I assumed the tattoo didn't have anything to do with me."

Edward looked like he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs in amazement.

"I have one more," I said.

"More? I didn't anticipate this. I don't merit these, and you have more?" He shook his head in disbelief.

"Just a small one," I explained.

He looked at me with interest. I widened my legs to let him step between them. Even sitting on the counter, I was only inches higher than him. I rested my forehead against his and looked intently into his eyes. I was unwavering of where I wanted to go; the production of the day, and Edward's gifts, had set my mind. I could feel and hear his artificial inhalation, but his eyes never once left mine. I clutched his face with both hands and let go of my fears and worries.

"I love you, Edward Cullen," I pronounced.

His eyes and smile widened as he picked me up and twirled me around and around the kitchen.

"Really? Will you say it again?"

I nodded my head and said it again. I vowed to myself that I would do whatever it took to keep Edward that happy always.

"I love you, l love you, I love you."

Between each phrase, I leaned in and kissed Edward; the electrical energy was palpable, and I never wanted to set his lips free. Between the 'I love you's' and kissing Edward, I scarcely slept Christmas night.


	7. smile

"Stop giggling and tell me again."

"No," I said as I laughed harder.

"Again," Edward growled.

"I have the right to remain silent."

"Please?" he begged, and I crumbled.

"I love you."

"And again."

I had been laying on the couch, with Edward between my legs; his head lay on my stomach. I ordered Seth to Edward's room; I wanted the living room couch for the evening, after everyone had gone to bed.

"I love you, Edward."

"I will never tire of hearing you say that."

The next few days were a blur of activity. Edward and I kept our distance during the day, but were inseparable by night; I didn't want to push Charlie and Renee very much more. I took Charlie, Phil, Renee, Sue, and Seth on a tour of Dartmouth and Hanover, keeping them out of the house as much as possible. Seth was amazed by school, and asked, as Sue chastised, how much tuition was; I advised him to look online.

Everyone left on a Friday. I had until Tuesday to deal with 'One Night in Bella.' Edward assured me that he had a plan to deal with Dr. Stanley. Since Seth was still blocking her, Alice could not tell if it would work.

Jasper and Alice left Saturday for several hours, and no one would give me a direct answer to where they went.

"They are just running an errand."

"The smell got to him, he needed to get away."

"Don't ask."

Sunday morning, they were downstairs when I woke. Edward gave me good news. "Dr. Stanley has been dealt with. He won't be bothering you anymore."

In my sleepy daze, the first thing that I thought had been that they had paid him off. "No, I told you I didn't want you paying him off. I didn't want you dealing with this."

I got out of bed as I continued to yell at everyone in the house. I chastised them until I heard Emmett yell back.

"Could you please shut the hell up?" Edward hissed at Emmett's command.

"Bella, love, relax. We did not pay him any money. Alice and Jasper simply went to Forks yesterday and kindly stole all of the tapes that you were a part of," he promised, then added softly, "And Jasper might have put the fear of God into him."

"No money was exchanged?"

"Not one penny," Alice exclaimed from my bedroom door.

I felt better instantly, but ashamed at my outburst. I whispered my apology to everyone.

It was December 30.

Edward had plans upon plans for Sunday. Lunch, shopping, walking around downtown, and visiting an art exhibit Dartmouth students were giving. The day had been perfect, until we ran into Lav at the exhibit.

"Bella?"

I instantly recognized his voice, and the memory of our encounter flooded me. I pretended not to hear him, and tugged Edward's hand to follow me. He didn't get the point.

"Someone is trying to get your attention."

"Bella," Lav spoke louder.

"I wanna go see the Grinch with the large genitals." I tried to distract and pull Edward, but he refused to budge. I turned around and pleaded for Edward to understand; the encounter with Lav had not been pleasant. A grimace crossed Edward's perfect face, and I knew he was reading Lav's mind.

"I'll tell you everything if you get me out of here and away." Edward immediately started trudging toward the door, and we were in the Volvo speeding down highway 120. He stopped at Everything but Anchovies restaurant. While chomping on a salad and waiting for a spinach pizza, I told the story.

"He was remembering pain. You bit him?" Edward curiously asked.

"He was intoxicated, and it felt like he had never touched a female in his life. I made the mistake of letting him near my coslopus."

"Hm..." Edward mused.

"What?"

I could laugh about the encounter now, but when it happened, I was crying in pain and had to go to the gynecologist for an antibiotic.

"In his mind, it was you that he was deflowering, and you assaulted him."

"He was grinding his fingers and hand like he was scrubbing burnt cheese from a cast iron pan. I tried to tell him to stop and push him away, but he wouldn't. I reached up and bit his cheek to stop him," I explained.

My lady bits were swollen and sore for a week afterward. At my lowest point, I think I remember trying to get someone, with really cold hands, to lay their hands on my peekachoo. Everyone had refused.

He seemed settled with that, and didn't push for more information.

I was exhausted when we pulled into the driveway. Edward carried me to bed, and told me he was going hunting with his brothers.

"I thought you just went?"

"Bella, I am angry that guy hurt you; I could see the whole story in Alice's mind when we came back. You had to go to the doctor. I need to run and drink and fight with Emmett and Jasper to calm myself. I need to pound Emmett into the ground and spar with Jasper."

He assured me he would be back to have breakfast with me. He painfully kissed my mouth for several seconds before he threw himself across the room.

"Good night," he whispered.

"Have fun. Bitch slap Emmett for me," I yelled as I heard him tumble down the stairs with Emmett.

As promised, the next morning, he sat with me and watched me eat a bowl of cereal. The next day was the first of the year. Alice wanted to either throw a party, or attend one of the dozen that we had been invited to. No one could agree on one thing.

"What did you do last year?" Edward asked.

"I cried in my room all night."

We eventually agreed to attend a party being thrown by Harper, whom I'd had a class with. Harper was a free spirit, who stood up for female empowerment and took advantage of the men who thought they were taking advantage of her. She said what was on her mind, and made no apologies for anything. Alice had seen that there would be about 25 people there, excluding us, it wouldn't get out of hand, and everyone would be too intoxicated with a variety of chemicals to be afraid.

She got to play Barbie Bella once again, dressing me in a black, lacy bra, white tank, and black skinny jeans. She tried to put me in five-inch Louboutin shoes, but I refused. We reached a compromise of three-inch heels. I was downstairs getting a bottle of water when I heard Emmet's booming laugh.

"Bella, do you make Edward clean your shower?"

"I cleaned it the other day, why?"

"You should have made him clean it, you should hear what he is doing in there. He used to take much shorter showers, before he met you."

Everyone was handed an assortment of shots as soon as we walked through the door. Most of the partygoers I knew, only a handful I didn't. We chatted, we danced like idiots, and I pulled Edward away from several females who had liquid courage to hug him. Dancing was fine. We were all dancing in a group; I must have danced, or tried to dance clumsily, with fifteen girls and guys. Edward grabbed me during one of the few slow songs that played. I had shuffled my feet around with a couple guys from class and Emmett. Edward said he had heard the song days ago and enjoyed it and wanted to dance with me. Through my buzzed state, I could make out the song. Pixie Lott's version of Use Somebody.

After the song, Edward led me outside and through a patch of woods.

"Where are we going?"

We stopped in a clearing, no larger than 225 square feet, looking up the moon was shining down right on top of us.

"Alice saw this a few hours ago, and I claimed dibs on it."

We were only a few hundred feet from the party and could still hear the music. Another slow song was playing, but I couldn't make it out. We melted into each other as we slowly danced to the barely audible song. After the song, I heard the countdown from thirty seconds.

"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1," I chanted, as Edward started kissing across my neck and shoulders.

"Happy New Year, Bella."

Edward Cullen then kissed me breathless, let me up for air, then kissed me again until I was panting for breath. As I panted for oxygen, he titled my head up and kissed under my chin and whispered a vow.

"I love you, Isabella Marie Swan. I promise to love you everyday of forever."

It was like a champagne bottle had burst. His lips parted hastily on mine, and I matched him, my tongue stroking his lower lip. He gasped, and then his tongue massaged mine. My head began swimming. Edward's mouth became harder, more urgent, as he kissed me deeper than he ever had before.

My plan had been to take Edward home that night and have mad passionate steamy sex, but to my horrid disappointment, it was only a heavy make out session.

Edward had not backed out of his vow. He'd promised me a physical relationship; he would make good on it. At a snail's pace, an elderly, salt-sprinkled snail. It was one of our only arguments. One night, while lying in bed and Edward sitting at the desk in my room reading one of my journals, I had an itch. I wanted...something.

I wanted Edward and me on top of each other, grunting and grinding. I wanted to scream his name in ecstasy and orgasmic bliss, but Edward was still persistent on kissing and heavy petting to our heads and backs. And a bit of ass. He had even grabbed my boobs once or twice.

Every few seconds, I glanced at Edward, then my bedside table where Jim resided.

"No," Edward bluntly stated.

"What?" I confusedly asked.

"N...you...I just saw a vision through Alice. I'm not sitting here while you, you know." Stuttering Edward was too adorable for words.

"You know? Okay, Mister I'm-a-107-year-old-vampire who can't say masturbate."

"I can say that word."

"I don't think you can." I teased just a little morsel.

"I'm not arguing about this."

"Say it."

"No."

"Mas-tur-ba-tion." I made sure to enunciate every syllable very clearly. I could see a smirk on his lips, and decided to be brash.

I slid to the side of the bed and reached into my nightstand. I was on my back with Edward lying on top of me in an instant.

He leaned to my ear theatrically and whispered, "Masturbation." He turned my face and devoured my lips.

"Hi, beautiful."

"Hi, handsome."

After a few minutes of rolling around, kissing, back rubbing, and ass grabbing, I took a brave step. On top of Edward, I reached my hand down and tried to stroke Edward's crotch, but encountered my can of deodorant left on the bed. He must have been lying right on top of it. I was picking it up to move it out of the way, when he grunted, hissed, and thrust the deodorant can into my hand. I gasped, backing up to look at him.

"That wasn't my deodorant, was it?" My voice was shy and nervous.

He looked self-conscious, but a gorgeous grin was making its way to the surface.

"It's...that...I...you're huge." I wasn't nearly as adorable while stuttering.

The self-righteous smirk finally broke through. "Come here," he commanded.

He pulled me back to his lips, turned us over, and gently thrust his hips into mine. I lost track of time, place, and rationale as his thrust became harder. Minutes, hours, or days later, Edward lay alongside me on his tummy, still fully clad in his pajama bottoms. I was in a sweat-enclosed, orgasmic heaven-induced state. I had made a rule days prior; we were not going to sleep together with Edward completely dressed. So now he slept, or watched me sleep, in pajama bottoms only, and I slept in a tank and panties. After a few moments, Edward became absolutely motionless and soundless.

"That's awe-inspiring. You have an orgasm, roll over, and go to sleep."

I sat up to get out of bed, when Edward's arm came across my lap swiftly and pulled me to him.

"I'm here, love. I'm here."

We peacefully gazed at each for several moments.

"So how was your first orgasm with a female?"

"Flawless, just like you." It was still nauseating how dignified he could be.

"Not good enough, I want an Edward enlightenment."

"Hmm, the reality that I could make you come just made everything that much more concentrated. When you drag your nails along my back, it feels like ten lit matches, but the burn feels incredible. And when you did that thing when I was," he paused trying to collect words. "It was just incredible."

Within minutes, I was fast asleep across Edward's chest.

"Bella, you know you have no use for a Shake Weight?" Emmett asked as I came into the den.

"Shake Weight?" I had no idea what he had been talking about.

Emmett rewound the DVR, until an advertisement came on about new trend of exercise apparatus. This one had been a barbell that you shook. I saw Edward's fierce look before Emmett laughed.

"You have a Shake Weight at your convenience in Edward's pants."

I giggled my approval of Emmett's rudimentary joke. He left the room when he couldn't get the reaction he wanted.

"At my convenience?" I asked unflappably.

Edward leaned over, putting his lips less than an inch from my ear.

"As long as I can have full access to your thigh master."

I would soon need a pace maker or defibrillator for my heart with his sexual innuendos. I was discovering that it would stop and start, go into v-fib, and thunder in my chest hard enough to crack numerous ribs.

Lying on the couch, Edward kissed me softly while he glided his nose up and down my neck and face, when he suddenly tensed and backed off.

"Bella, go to the bathroom." His eyes were a solid, rigid black.

"But I don't need to."

"Please, go to the bathroom," he demanded through clenched teeth.

I untwisted myself from him and went upstairs to our bathroom. To stand for a few minutes, to my knowledge. On the way, Rosalie educated me.

"Arousal and mensa is a malicious smell. Go deal with that disarray."

Edward wouldn't be playing with my thigh master for the next couple of days.

My period had been unpredictable for over a year, be it due to anxiety, trauma, or my vast weight loss. I'd had three in fourteen months, and they were short, heavy, and exceedingly excruciating. A heating pad and I habitually coiled into a ball for days in bed, and I took anything to alleviate the throbbing, legal or not so legal. I wasn't looking forward to the next couple of days.

"Bella, do you need pain killers?" Emmett had witnessed the atrocious experience months earlier.

After my bathroom trip, which included Tylenol to try to curve some forthcoming pain, I curled back around Edward, or tried to.

"Is it difficult to be around me?" I shyly asked.

"It's always a great pleasure to be around you. Your scent is just... more now, for lack of words."

"More?"

"More," he settled.

By that night, I was on my side with a heating pad, and Edward massaging my back; somehow, he massaged my lower stomach and helped with the cramps. I was still on the threshold of tears.

"Do you want Carlisle to get you some pain medicine?"

"No, it'll be over in a couple days."

Edward was fraught with my pain as much as I was.

"What can I do? Anything, just tell me something to do to help."

"Distract me? Tell me a story?"

"A story?" he agonizingly asked.

I nodded, tears trying to rip open.

"In 1984, Esme was a nursery school substitute teacher, and had a five-year-old expelled from school."

I winced in pain. "She was a preschool teacher?"

"Another college experience," he stated indifferently.

"She expelled a five-year-old?" I was astonished.

"Yes. It was the first week of school, and the teacher was out with pneumonia. She had been going around the room, getting to know the children. One kid, Greyer, had passionate parents."

Through the pain, I was thinking about being five and walking in on Charlie and Renee having sex. Even at nineteen, it was a horrible consideration.

"What happened?"

"She asked him about his parents: names, jobs, things of that nature. He stated his mom was a nurse, and worked at the hospital. Her name was Pam."

"And he walked in on her getting boned?"

He kissed my forehead, and I could feel his smile.

"No, you pervert."

I giggled, and it hurt, a lot. Edward rubbed my back harder and curled the pad closer.

"When she asked about his father, he stated bluntly, 'Daddy needs to get off the goddamn couch and find an fucking job.'"


	8. trash can

_A friend who knows how I feel, sooner than I do. Who can calm me when I'm hysterical and raise me up when I'm down and out. Who tries to shield my innocence?_

The speech I gave for my guidance counselor had gone better than I thought. Along with Bailey's 200 friends, all of the Cullens came; I invited Harper and her most recent boy toy, Riley. Riley had long brown hair, which looked healthier than mine, and a satchel of sage around his neck. He also smelled like weed. I had smoked weed once, and did, in fact, inhale; it wasn't my drug of choice.

_A friend ready for a girl fight and confidence to know she will win, with looks a supermodel dreams of and a heart of gold. Who would cry my tears, if she could?_

We started classes a couple days later. Alice had again swindled a Cullen into every one of my classes; Edward and I shared one. My humanity reared its hideous head that week, and I demanded Alice remove themselves from my classes.

"I live with you; I can't be with you 24/7. You'll drive me mad."

"Even me?" Edward asked.

"Above all, you; we'll have plenty of chances to share classes. You have to give me some free will."

_A friend who changes my world, one high heel at a time. With hands of a fortune teller's love sees the life I have yet to live._

"During Spring Break, we should go away for a few days, two or three, since we only have a couple days. Just us, me and you, no siblings, no cells, no nothing."

"Where do you want to go?" Edward excitedly asked, his interest definitely piqued.

"A cabin in BFE." I grinned as I answered him.

"I'll make it happen," he promised.

_A friend who is a teddy bear to cuddle with and an irritable grizzly when poked, who asks himself, 'What I'd give to bring a smile across your face?' No matter what the answer is, he's willing to achieve the goal._

We spent a weekend in Lisbon, which, like I had requested, had been a cabin in the middle of nowhere. We had forty-eight uninterrupted hours of playing, talking, dancing, laughing, and taking each other's clothes off. Edward had run all of the bases, but not hit a homerun, yet.

I propositioned him into the shower with me at the cabin.

"I've always loved how hairdressers scrub my head with shampoo. Take their nails and claws and scrub my scalp. Alice is grand at it, and I am betting you would be magnificent."

It was breathtaking; I found that Edward could scrub my head while kissing my neck, shoulders, and ears.

After that weekend, Edward hit a homerun. The next day, he had to buy new pillows for our bed; the day after that, a new bed. After fifteen new pillows, three beds, two lamps, a twelve by eight section of wall redone, seven sets of sheets, and eight hand size bruises on various body parts, Edward had control, and there was minimal damage to me and the room; only a frequent new underwear wardrobe for me.

_When the weight of the world bears down so strong I leave footsteps on the street, parents love acceptance only grows stronger and deeper._

Edward took most of my speech up, sentiments and feelings I felt for him were extraordinarily complicated to put into words, and no one was willing to help.

"Bella, you tell me everything in one three word phrase, nothing else is needed or wished for."

My very own private Hallmark card editor.

_A love so strong that God himself steps aside, wouldn't hold me back, and couldn't keep me from you._

Some semesters had been trouble-free to keep track of it all: Edward, the Cullens, school, parents. It was unspoiled for two or three semesters, but Edward had to tutor me more and more as my curriculum got harder and life got in the way.

I threatened everyone for my birthday. I put money restrictions on gifts; $25 and no celebration.

Edward took me out to eat; when we got home, there was be a few streamers and balloons, and a miniature cake. Cake generous enough for four people, not forty.

When I was twenty-two, I awoke to an unusually scowling Edward. More often than not, I woke to wintery lips on my skin or a dazzling smile.

"What happened?"

"I told you a couple of months ago that your dreams were becoming unclear to me, remember?"

"Yes."

My dreams had been steadily becoming what Edward described as "static television." At first, he could see all of my dreams, and then everything would get indistinguishable and vague.

"I couldn't hear or see anything last night. You are keeping me out again," he murmured.

Everyone had reasons for why Edward could unexpectedly see my dreams, but they thought Jasper had the best hypothesis.

"On the island, she was wrecked and distressed; she didn't have the strength of mind to shield herself. It was ghastly to suffer. Now she is in high spirits, and her preservation instinct is back with Edward. The better she gets, the less Edward sees."

Rosalie, Edward, and I were accepted into medical school; John Hopkins. We had every class every day together; it drove me round the bend.

"Can vampires give themselves head?" I blurted out one afternoon.

"What? Where did that come from?"

"I was reading an urban legend about a singer who supposedly took out a rib to do just that, and I have seen some of the Ron Jeremy classics."

Edward gawked at me uncomprehendingly.

"You are super flexible, right? Can you?"

"I've never tried, but Emmett is in his room trying and almost succeeding." Edward's lips scarcely moved; his jaws were clamped together.

"And you are getting a live examination of it?"

He nodded and quivered.

I imagined Emmett's hulking structure twisted on his and Rosalie's light colored quilt.

"I've seen him undressed; he has nothing on you."

_When my faith is stretched so thin that you can see straight through my soul, my love, I reach for you first._

_If I've got questions, you've got answers and your answer is yes to me every time. You know how to fix my eggs just right. I wake to your face every morning, a tangled lace of arms and legs. I'm that girl, and you're that boy._

When we moved to Baltimore, I wanted Edward all to myself. We bought a small, to Edward's standards, cozy home ten miles from the Cullen dwelling. Everyone else lived in a manor, for lack of another word. Edward begrudgingly let me paint our bedroom walls 'whore red.'

"You want to paint a vampire's bedroom blood red?"

"Whore red," I corrected.

"Why?" He was exasperated.

"Cause I like to screw you like a whore on tequila."

"You're watching Grey's Anatomy too much again." He paused for a moment, then got very wound up. "Are you going to build me a house with candles?" His twisted grin could have gotten him anywhere or anything.

"Are you going to have an affair with a nurse?"

_You're arms are stretched wide open, cause you already know that it's hard, and I'm scared, and I'm tired, and it hurts. You're the one I fall into first._


	9. 6 numbers

Anyone who says medical school is not the hardest thing they tried to accomplish in school is a vampire. A vampire with an eidetic memory and genius level IQ.

Edward and Rosalie did the exact work that I did, but read ten pages compared to my one page, remembered verbatim what they'd read, and understood the complex wording the first time they read it.

They didn't have to stop for trivial things. I lost ten pounds in three weeks. Edward refused to let me go thirty-six hours with no food or sleep, stupid overprotective vampire.

I got to the point that I wouldn't study in the same room with them, let alone study with them. I resented that I was slower than, and not as smart as, them. I resented that I wanted a career, and they were taking up time with something; they could've done a pottery class.

I hated how professors always had something nice to say to them and barely noticed me. I hated how they were never sleep deprived; never fell asleep on top of their work. They never got hand cramps or blisters on their fingers; their handwriting never became illegible. Their eyesight didn't grow weaker with every word. Edward and I would bicker, or I would bicker at Edward. Arguments over nothing, something as small as how much gas was in my car, or how much the water bill was that I never paid.

I hated being with him 24/7-everywhere I looked, there his perfection was.

I went on a sex strike because of the hatred. I would barely let him in the room where I slept. He stopped me from moving out or living in my car or the library.

Edward's days never merged together, he knew if it was Monday or Thursday; he knew whether it was midnight or five AM. He knew who was running for president; he knew the war in Afghanistan was still being fought. He didn't go days without showering.

I loathed him for it all. I especially loathed the looks of compassion he gave; his never ending support. I even hated how he tried to make it better.

If he bought me a $150 Pelikan Souveran ink pen, I conveniently lost it or forgot it while studying. If he wrote down every word verbatim of a lecture, I spilled coffee on the paper. If he dazzled us into a study group, I had a headache.

Medical school was the test of our relationship; could we make it with my stress over school?

We were sitting on the sofa, Edward rubbing my feet while I scowled at him over my book; he never said anything about my dirty looks or harsh words. He just kept on rubbing. My phone rang, and Charlie's name was on the caller id.

"Hi, Dad."

"Bella, it's Jacob," Jacob dryly stated like he was talking to a bill collector.

"Jacob, hi, what..."

I was interrupted before any questions. "You need to come home. There's been an accident."

After he informed me that Charlie and Sue had been hit by a drunk driver, everything went black.

I didn't hear Jacob ask for Edward, nor did I feel Edward pull the phone from my hand. I don't remember how long it was until Edward carried me to the car. I don't recall inside of the airports, nor what the rental car looked like. The next thing I remember after the phone call is seeing Charlie sitting beside Sue's bed in a wheelchair, with a black cast on his left leg.

"Dad."

He slowly turned his head; his eyes were bloodshot from tears, pain, and stress. He looked aged by ten years. I hugged him with all my might.

"Ouch," he gasped when I locked my muscles around him.

"What did I do?"

Charlie explained how besides the broken leg and scrapes and bruises covering his body, there were also five cracked ribs, a concussion, and a busted appendix that had to come out that day.

Sue had sustained far worse.

When the ambulance first pulled in, she seemed fine, asking for Charlie, alert, and in very little pain. When the adrenaline settled, while getting a CT scan, she crashed. The scan showed catastrophic damage.

She laid in the ICU, on a ventilator, while a team of doctors came up with a plan to save her life.

She and Charlie had been married for less than a year. They had gone to Vegas for a weekend of fun while Seth was staying with Edward and me. Seth made it a ritual to stay with us for two weeks every summer. They came back with a wedding photo with an Elvis impersonator in the middle. After the initial shock and ribbing by Leah, everyone was thrilled.

The rest of the Cullens arrived in Seattle the next day. Carlisle and Esme stayed out of sight of the hospital; Carlisle was supposed to be almost forty by then, to Forks. The 'kids' could pull off mid twenties; Carlisle couldn't pull off upper thirties.

Alice couldn't see around the pack to say what the outcome would be. I was twenty-five, I had three years of medical school behind me; reading Sue's chart, I knew I needed a black ensemble.

Charlie would question me about Sue's condition, and I would either tell him to let her doctors work it out, or run into the hallway and sob while Edward held me.

Some of the pack got territorial and tried to make Edward and Alice, who would not leave my side, leave the hospital. Leah surprised everyone.

"Shut up," she screamed in the parking lot during one of the confrontations. "Shut up. My mother is dying, and all you can think of is your stupid treaty. If you can't be better than playing a game of dick measuring, then you need to go home and stay there. I'd rather have them here than your snide remarks and glares."

Paul left, while the other three wolves put their heads down and apologized.

"Apologize to them, not me, if you want someone to accept it, because I don't." Leah walked off while Brady, Collin, and Embry fidgeted uncomfortably.

Six days later, I stood in the cold, wet morning, holding Charlie's hand while Sue's coffin was lowered into the ground. All of the Cullens were allowed to come onto the reservation for the funeral; no one could deny Leah, Seth, or Charlie. Edward held my hand as Alice and I held Charlie's. Leah and Seth held onto each other beside Edward.

After the funeral, when everyone had left, giving Charlie some space, Jacob knocked on the door. Edward was at the hotel in Seattle with his family, where I had banished him.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"So, you're going to be a doctor next year?" It was as he had been talking about the weather.

"Looks like it."

"Are you going to become," he stuttered, "a vampire?"

I didn't recognize dry and uncaring Jacob.

"I don't know."

"I'm sorry for that night and ignoring you for the past seven years. I loved you so much, but I couldn't love you how you needed. I know now what I need."

The last statement had more emotion than I had ever heard from him.

"You imprinted."

"Do you still want to become a vampire?" Fury at the bill collector.

"I don't know," I answered honestly.

"Why?"

"We, er, I am having problems."

"Problems?"

"Nothing I want to talk about."

After a few more minutes of uncomfortable talking, we said goodbye. I knew he and I would never be friends, and would probably never see each other again.

My feelings for Edward had changed over the years. I didn't know if it was the stress of school, or growing up. I loved Edward, but was I still in love with him?

Alice had informed me that Rosalie was taking care of all of my assignments for class. I wouldn't fall behind, and they would help me catch up. I called Edward while still at Charlie's.

"I think I'm going to stay here and help Charlie get situated, make sure he's all right before I leave. A few days, a week maybe."

"Do you need anything?"

"You should go back to Baltimore."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Edward..."

He was with Alice, who could see the future. Edward's future. Was I still in that future?

"Bella, don't do this. Please, don't do this."

"Go home, Edward."

"You are my home," he whispered.

"Goodbye, Edward."

After making sure Charlie was asleep, I went into the extra bedroom and let the pain take me. I didn't think I would return.


	10. better

It took eight long days for Charlie to ask about Edward. The first three days, I cleaned Charlie's house, cars, and boat top to bottom, every single surface I could reach. The next day, I cooked enough for Charlie for at least three weeks of food. I cleared everything in his freezer, then went shopping and restocked it.

The fifth day, I cleaned Billy's house. He stopped me when I tried to scrub the walls, and told me to go home. When I tried to argue with him, Sam came and dragged me back to Charlie's.

Alice had over-nighted my homework. I got all of it up to date, and sent it back to her. I didn't ruin Rosalie's notes.

Then the tears came; I had nothing to keep me occupied. Edward called twice a day and texted several times, but I ignored them. Every feeling crashed on me.

"Have you spoken to him?" Charlie finally asked. I could hear the anger in his voice, but didn't understand why he was angry.

"He's called and texted."

"Have you answered either?"

"No." I hadn't listened to a single voicemail or read any text.

"Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Bella..." He hesitated in a way that made me uncomfortable. He stared at me, like he knew something that I didn't. "Bella, I know."

"You know what?"

"Everything."

I played dumb. "What are you talking about?"

"I know the Cullens are vampires."

Silence. Could I lie and tell him he was crazy? I knew that humans knowing about vampires were dangerous, but I didn't tell him. I acted like it didn't bother me.

"Welcome to the club."

"Tell me what is going on with you."

Maybe it was having someone who knew, that I didn't have to censor the supernatural in my life, or maybe it was just Charlie.

Somehow, I sat and calmly poured everything out to Charlie. How I had begged Edward in high school to change me, why he left. About our compromise of my change, about the stress, my changing feelings. How I had not slept in eight days, because I knew Edward had not been watching over me.

How I was scared that I would push Edward away one too many times, and he would not push back. I told him how that, by Edward letting me age, I now wanted a career and a family and couldn't figure out how to balance everything.

My maternal time clock had hit me over night months ago, like a ton of bricks.

No one had informed Harper, who I still kept in contact with, that antibiotics would kill her birth control pill.

Last year, she had a baby boy. Alice and I attended the shower. Harper didn't know what she would be having. She had wanted to be surprised.

"It is the one of the only true surprises in life," she declared.

Alice still bought mostly boy items.

When Brylen had been about one, I had taken a weekend to stay with them, and everything changed. I ignored the feeling for a long time, convinced myself that Edward had been enough for me. I blamed stress from school every time anyone would question me about it. I knew it would make Edward feel worse if he knew the truth.

Edward and I could have gotten married; he mentioned it often. I always made an excuse. The last time he mentioned it, he had a smug smile. "You're running out of excuses, Isabella."

I told Charlie all of it.

Charlie said he had known for several months, but didn't know how to bring it up to me over the phone. I had seen him three months earlier and remembered several strange looks, but Edward had not been with me, so I had been left clueless.

"Why are you not upset that I am dating a vampire?"

"Bells, when your mom and I got married, I thought I knew what being in love was, but I didn't. I found love, real love, eternal love with Sue. When you first met Edward, I thought it was too intense..."

Jacob had told Charlie everything that happened in my junior year of high school. He said he now understood that it wasn't intensity; it was love and over-protectiveness.

"After Edward and I spoke on the phone last night..." he stammered out.

"You talked to him?"

"I saw he was calling, and you obviously were not going to answer. When you took a shower, I called him from my phone."

Traitor.

"We had a long talk. He doesn't know any of this. He thinks you hate him and that you are leaving him."

My tear ducts activated. We sat on the couch and talked for hours. I wanted to be angry with him, but couldn't find a fault in him calling Edward.

"Have you thought about what you are going to do?"

"It is all I have thought about for months. All I see is pain and sorrow, with or without Edward."

"What about alternatives?"

"What alternatives?"

"Just think it through before you decide anything, and call that boy before he drives himself and me crazy. I am tired of hearing the song that plays when he calls."

It had been the most powerful heart to heart I had ever had. Even the ones with Edward couldn't hold up.

I fell asleep on the couch and had a life altering dream.

Alternatives.

I woke at five AM and texted Edward. I knew he wouldn't be far; he wouldn't be on the other side of the country.

Where are you?

Forks

We need to talk. Be there by 8.

I'll be waiting for you.

I made Charlie and me breakfast, which turned into five werewolves joining us. It was almost nine before I could leave. I told Charlie where I was going, and Seth let me borrow his car.

I had not been to the house in Forks in seven years, but could drive the drive with my eyes closed. Everything was still familiar on the winding road.

Edward came and opened my door. He needed to hunt by the look of his eyes; he'd needed to hunt days ago.

"Hi."

"Hello."

We went inside and sat on opposite sofas, facing each other. I didn't know where to start, so I rambled. "I'm sorry for being late. I had to feed five wolves."

"Bella, just say it." He sounded broken and hopeless.

I couldn't make eye contact. I stared at his feet. "I've realized over the last week that I shouldn't have blamed school for my problem; I should have been honest with you."

He shifted his feet uncomfortably.

"You letting me age is the catalyst of the problem. I want more than just you, now. You told me that you wanted me to experience life before making my final decision of my changing. For years, I told myself, go to school, get the degree, get experience, love Edward. For a while, it was enough."

My throat was dry. He realized this and went out and came back in the room with a bottle of water. I continued without making eye contact.

"I know that my age doesn't matter to you. I know that now. I didn't for a long time, but I could be ninety, and your feelings wouldn't change. I'm comfortable with that, now."

"Yes."

We sat in silence for several more minutes, before I could continue.

"I want children."

More silence.

After talking to Charlie, I knew my next step.

I finally looked up at Edward; my heart broke for him. His head was hung low, and he was trembling. He had been expecting the worse, me saying goodbye forever.

I smiled to myself. He had one hell of a surprise coming. I spoke quickly.

"There's thousands of babies and kids who need adopted. We have the resources that we need. I am even open to cryobanks if you are comfortable with that. I know you can't get me pregnant, but I do want you to be the father of my children."

He snapped his head up. His vampire stare hit me full force. "Are you saying..."

I smiled and nodded my head quickly. He was kneeling in front of me in an instant.

"I know if this happens that I won't be able to change."

"It would be too dangerous."

"I am okay with that."

He peppered my face with kisses and laughs; his gorgeous smile lit up his face. "I love you. Whatever you want, it is yours; I'll support you."

I cried enough happy tears for both of us.

That morning, I had told Charlie of my plan and apologized for the horrible timing. He had been supportive, regardless. "Go get him, tiger," he'd said.

"Edward, there's just one order of business that needs to be taken care of." I grabbed his face between my hands and held his curious, intimidating eyes. "It's time that I make an honest man out of you."

His eyes grew bigger, darker, and he placed his hands on top of mine.

"Marry me, Edward."


	11. throw my way

Edward had said yes, after enough silence that insecure Bella tried to make an appearance. We agreed that we would finish school first; we had just over twelve months of clinical work. Two days later, we said goodbye to Charlie, who insisted his future son-in-law be allowed to stay with the two of us on the reservation. Seth was in school at the local community college and agreed to stay for two days to watch over everyone; by 9:00 AM, he was out like a light on the couch. Edward informed me that Embry and Collin were outside, "bored out their minds. They are begging Sam to go home."

Sam let them go home at 11:00. Someone had told Charlie about Edward's telepathy, and he begrudgingly apologized.

"I thought about shooting you once or twice and beating you with my night stick; maiming you."

Edward assured Charlie that he understood and allowed, "If you really want to, you can. It's not like it will hurt, although a shot gun stings a little."

"How do you know?"

"Emmett."

Charlie sat bewildered and assured him that it wasn't necessary, "but something to think about."

"I want you to visit more often."

"I will visit; I will be in Baltimore within three months."

We drove to Seattle and talked of plans and names and places to go. It was like we were falling in love with each other all over again, without the tension straining us.

"Does this mean we are getting naked soon?"

"How do you feel about a little thing called the mile high club?"

"It has been a month; before your strike, the longest was two weeks, and I tore the bed apart, which I hadn't done in years. I don't think American Airlines would enjoy a hole in the side of their plane."

"When is our flight?"

"We have plenty of time; five hours. I thought you might want lunch before takeoff."

We were just entering the town of Forks when my brilliance clicked.

We stopped at a sandwich shop, but I wouldn't let Edward out of the car. I went in and got a meal to go.

"You despise eating in a car."

"I won't be eating in the car."

"Did you want to go to the park?

"No."

"We can run to the house. It should still be warm enough."

"No."

"Forks High cafeteria?"

I shook my head.

"Side of the road?"

"Take the 101 south until I tell you to turn."

We opened the trunk to find a warmer shirt for me, but found a blanket with a note attached.

Alice called and said you would need this. I never want to know for what, and I don't want the blanket back. -C

"Tell me, Miss Isabella, how long have you been scheming this?"

He had us in the meadow in minutes. It was just how we had left it, just a bit more overgrown.

The blanket and our clothes were destroyed, as were several spots of grass. Flowers were mangled and thrown haphazardly everywhere around us. One of Edward's hands was stained with dirt, and I was covered with grass and flowers. I was so worn that turning my head took determination.

"I'm so doing that again. No sex for you for a month every now and again."

"You will truly be the death of me."

He tried to make me eat, but I refused.

"Have you ever been to an amusement park, watched a kid stuff a corndog, and then ride a rollercoaster?"

"I'm much smoother than any rollercoaster."

"And ten times faster."

"Only just. Now eat."

"No."

I ate my bag of chips.

I stayed near the door while Edward checked in our rental. The blanket and clothing were thrown away. The workers were curious, but only one braved to ask what had happened; Edward answered while I blushed.

"My fiancé found the reason not to deny me of her body for a month."

I walked outside and left Edward standing.

"You know they could have taken that as you being an abusive boyfriend."

"Fiancé. They didn't, but they are still curious. Rough sex to them is fast and hard, not clothes shredding."

"Maybe you should go back and tell them we were role-playing. You were Hercules or He-man."

"I'll show you He-man."

Alice was at our house when we arrived, squealing in delight. She prattled on about finally coming true, colors, bridesmaids dresses, and hairdos. I blocked her out at tiaras.

Edwards and Rosalie's grades dropped just a bit.

"We can't graduate with honors; too much newspaper coverage."

"Will you go to graduation?"

"Yes, unless Alice sees a reason why we shouldn't, then we will be in the audience."

I didn't lose any more pens or spill copious amounts of coffee. I let Rose and Edward help me study, but school was still brutal. We were taught at the local teaching hospital; thankfully, there was a parking garage and covered ambulance bay.

In the end, we all walked across the stage and received our diplomas. Everyone in the huge auditorium heard Emmett and Jasper cheer us on.

We didn't apply for internships. Rosalie was happy to have completed med school, and Edward and I started planning a wedding. I would apply to internships in a few years.

Alice, of course, tried to take over, but I knew by then how to put my foot down to her.

We settled on an outdoor, barefoot on the beach ceremony at twilight. The world's best meteorologist came in handy to pin down the date.

The plan had been to get married in Baltimore, then relocate and start baby planning. Edward convinced me to use a sperm bank rather than adoption.

"I want someone who is half you."

The wedding was perfect. Six hundred twenty candles lit up the beach-Alice and Jasper fought with the fire marshal over the amount of candles-and 1987 Gardenia petals covered the sand. I wore a Grecian dress, and Edward had an untucked shirt and no jacket. Some of the pack had come, and Angela came. No one else from Forks had been invited. We said traditional vows, and at exactly 1901, were pronounced husband and wife. Edward ate a piece of red velvet cake and drank champagne. At 9:10 PM we were assaulted with dried lavender as we ran to our car.

We returned to Isle Esme for the honeymoon.

Carlisle had put me on birth control for my period after Edward had a meltdown over the pain I was experiencing with it. I had stopped taking it two weeks before the wedding. Carlisle informed me that it would take a couple months for my body to be ready for baby making after stopping it.

We had the perfect honeymoon. We had the sperm bank information with us and started looking into potential donors.

"No albinos. You're already pale enough for him or her," Edward said.

"No red heads. Red hair will clash with you hair."

"What about biracial?"

"I like the kids with white mothers who don't know what to do with their hair and it goes everywhere; kind of like yours, but with kink," I told him.

"Alice would never allow you to do that to a child."

We talked about home schooling, but Edward wanted our child or children to have as normal upbringing as possible. He didn't want to have our child hidden from society.

"What happens when he goes to school and looks your age?"

"We'll make it work; we have plenty of time to figure everything out. Will you be self-conscious when you truly look older than I?"

"I'll be a cougar, and then I will do botox and face lifts."

"No Heidi Montag."

"I promise not to go further than what looks completely natural."

Two weeks later, I came down with what I thought was food poisoning. It turned into the flu. We had planned to stay on the island for six weeks, but when my flu symptoms worsened and couldn't be controlled, we returned after four.


	12. Fail

So, I totally failed to upload the last two chapters 40 years ago. I will upload the last chapter later tonight or tomorrow.

* * *

When my symptoms worsened still and I grew weaker, Carlisle started running test. Everything in the tests and MRI pointed to ALS, or Lou Gehrig's disease.

Terminal.

A week later, Alice saw that I would die within three years-if I stayed human. After the denial and screaming at each other, I told everyone that I wanted to be changed within the year. Edward was distraught. Inconsolable. He could hardly look at me or keep it together in front of me. He would curse anyone who came around.

After days of his sulking and ominous behavior, I became angry. "You never intended to change me, did you? You were going to leave me your pet."

"No, love, that is not what I intended. Neither did you. You want more, remember?"

"I do want more, but I also don't want to die, which is where I'm heading because you are selfish."

"I am selfish. I wanted everything for you; I love you, most ardently. It didn't matter what you would've wanted; travel to the moon, marry the Prince of Wales, become a mother. I would have made it happen."

I tried to interrupt him, but he kept venting.

"Now, it will not happen. You will be stuck, frozen forever. Never moving forward, never changing."

"I'll have you."

"You can't guarantee that you will want me forever."

"I will always want you, above everything else."

"You will want something else more; you'll crave it. Blood."

I brushed that off. "I'll handle it."

He wasn't done with his tirade. "I'm afraid you will resent me. Rosalie resents Carlisle for doing this to her. Her resentment overpowers her feelings for Emmett; it overpowers everything."

"I promise I will not resent you. Yes, I will regret not being able to have children, but it will not be because of you."

He wasn't convinced.

He stayed in our den, sitting on the floor in the corner with his head between his knees. He didn't move, didn't twitch, didn't answer anyone. He was a statue for three days. Alice and Jasper were staying with us; when I tripped over my own feet, Edward didn't look up.

After two days, Alice joined him, but she had her far way look on her face. She would gasp and groan every few minutes, but never spoke or left Edward.

"He is overanalyzing, like he always does. You have to let him do it," Jasper stated to me while Alice and Edward had their powwow.

"I know."

"If there is an answer, he will find it."

After the three day hiatus, Edward jumped to his feet and said he was going hunting with Carlisle. He kissed me, like he was never going to see me again. "I love you, remember that."

I turned to Alice for answers. "Why did he kiss me like that?"

"He is up to something, but he is being very vague about it and blocking me."

"Is he going to let me die?"

"He would never let you die. He wants you to be a mother and will do anything for it to happen. Over the last three days, he has gone through thousands of scenarios, including changing you. He has made a decision, but I can't see it. I can't see anything with anyone. It must shift everyone's futures."

"That's helpful."

"Bella, do you not see what he is doing?" Jasper asked.

"Being an idiot."

Alice corrected my inaccuracy. "Before we came back, I had a vision of you, married with two kids and being a doctor. You were happy. Extremely happy. Edward came to see you when you were twenty-eight, and you said a final goodbye to him, because you were happy where you were. You told him that you would always love him, but sent him away. I told Edward about this vision on the island; he made his compromise because he knew you would eventually want children and a career. He wanted to make your dreams, the ones you weren't aware of yet, come true. That is why he forced you to stay human and why he is trying to find another solution. In Forks, when you were at Charlie's, I had the same vision. You were just older. Edward was expecting you to say goodbye, forever. He was willing to let you go. He would've let you hurt him, crush him, to have your dream. He loves you that much. Right before you sent him the text, I saw the vision of you and him being parents. You see a selfish idiot. Everyone else sees a selfless idiot."

I couldn't think or see straight anymore. It all made sense; Edward always pushing me to live life.

Before I could respond, Alice gasped and said Jasper and she were leaving; Edward was on his way back.

"He has been gone an hour. He is gone for half a day when he hunts," I observed.

"We'll see you in three days," she yelled as they flew through the door.

Before I could think or move, I was thrown onto the couch and teeth were biting into my neck. Burning, piercing pain shot through me. The last thing I remembered before the black pain took me was Edward.

"I'm sorry."

The blackness held me, cocooned me, for an eternity. I hadn't opened my eyes in days. My chest was heavy with air. My thoughts were blurry, confused. I heard sounds, maybe voices, but couldn't make out any of it. They were too soft, too hushed.

I tried to open my mouth to speak, but my throat was desiccated, severely parched. My eyes felt soldered together. My limbs were weighty with no usage; my head was swimming with pain. I couldn't remember anything. I tried to grasp the split-second images and memories flashing, but nothing made sense.

Was I dead?

After what felt like days of me screaming in my mind for someone to help, I caught and held an image; a dazzling boy with copper hair. I knew him, but couldn't put a name or information to his face. I had a feeling he was someone vital, but couldn't grab the details. The fogginess in my thoughts slowly npbut progressively abated; the sounds which were once low and soft were becoming relentlessly thunderous and comprehensible. It sounded like people were quarrelling, screaming with each other.

"Alice, you need to stop fantasizing. She is not waking up."

Alice? The name tickled my subconscious, but I couldn't remember.

"She is going to open her eyes and ask for you in less than ten minutes."

They were so loud; I wanted to tell them to quiet down.

"None of her vitals show that she is anywhere near where she needs to be."

That voice.

"Edward, she can probably hear you. Do you really want the first thing she hears to be you gnashing your teeth?"

Edward? A warm feeling flooded me, making me feel safe and secure.

I heard a sharp gasp and a sharp squeal. "Bella, can you hear me?"

"Edward, listen to her heart rate. It jumped when you spoke to her."

"Bella, it's almost over. Just a few more minutes, and you'll be back with me."

Bella?

Suddenly, everything went black. All of the images stopped.


End file.
